Being Happily Discontented

 

"Live your life each day

 as you would climb a mountain.

An occasional glance towards the summit

 keeps the goal in mind,

But many beautiful scenes are to be observed

 from each new vantage point."

                                [Harold B. Melchart]

 

 

Sometimes we allow ourselves to become so weighed down with the things that 'are not' that we very often lose sight of the things that 'are.' We conjure up images of wellness or happiness and refuse to allow that any other interpretation, anything other than our 'perfect' picture is acceptable. We know exactly the paths our lives should take, and what our final destination should look like. And what do these notions translate to in everyday life? Us being thrown into a tizzy when our children exhibit less than the standards of behaviour we expect of them; getting angry because our husbands don't ever do the dishes and forget while forgetting he's numbered among the ones that faithfully provide for his household; our complaining about his bulging stomach and neglecting to be thankful for his faithful heart.

 

Oh how easy it is to lose sight of that which is right and good and perfect in our lives because we are in pursuit of some goal that our egos created. Of course, it's important to set and achieve goals. I live by them. But how far more important it is for us to learn to stop along the path and celebrate what is...not allowing ourselves to become so enamored by what is possible that we neglect to see, to enjoy, to simply savor the blessings of the things that are......now, this moment, today. The truth is, our desire for a 'better state' can become so all-consuming that it blinds us to the current good. It creates in us a constant feeling of lack, of incompleteness, of inadequacy... 

 

How I wish I could properly articulate, underscore or explain the dangers of espousing feelings of lack. Yes, I know it seems a crazy proposition in light of all the things you dream of, and worse…all the things you need. To be sure, I’m not suggesting that we hide from our realities. A keen awareness of those realities will be instrumental in helping us get to the place we want to be. Still, we must get to the place where we understand the absolute necessity of learning to be happy in our discontentment….of knowing that we ARE enough, that what we HAVE is enough…right now, right in this moment…learning to be complete here, while we work on getting there.

 

And that learning to feel complete, to be happily discontented is about knowing and appreciating the realities of abundance and Providence; about embracing gratitude and beauty, and letting go of the way we think it should be. It comes down to not allowing our longing for something better to crowd out today’s beauty…to be able to relish the perfection of this moment….to enjoy the pitter, patter of raindrops, the crystal glory of rain-drops on a petal, the pitter-patter of little feet in our homes, the frolic of our children’s play….the magic of a kiss…..There is beauty in every circumstance. There are lessons in every experience. On your climb to the summit, when your steps seem to go off course, stay a while and whisper….’all is as it should it’….be grateful for what is…..

 

To What End?

I've found that the better I am able to answer the 'to what end' questions in my life, the more effective I am. But I've also found that I do not always remember to subject all my actions to this very crucial question, and I therefore find that way too many of the things I spend valuable time on do not contribute to the legacy I want to leave on this earth.

And so today as I spent some time reflecting on the way I use my time, I realized I need to better align my time with the vision I have for my life, my destiny and ultimately my legacy. Not surprisingly, my thoughts led me quietly back to this big question I like to ask my staff, my children and my friends: "to what end"? Am I doing stuff just for the sake of doing them? To mark check boxes off? To provide a report of 'busy' work?  Obviously the question that best provides an answer (yes, questions can provide answers 😊) to all of this is , 'to what end?'

The architect whose vision is to design and build a cathedral is way more likely to achieve that goal than his companion who simply draws one blue print after another with no ultimate end in mind. The blogger whose vision it is to write a book will more likely reach that goal than the one who blogs with no end in mind. I know that, yet I do not always live like I do.

No wonder therefore that as I watched my time dwindle away today I kept hearing the words of Benjamin Franklin ringing in my head, "Dost thou love life, then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of."  No-brainer, right? But we aren't talking outright wasting time now are we? No, we are talking about spending valuable time doing work, busy work to which we are unable to connect a long term goal our vision, desires destiny and legacy.

So how did I course-correct today? I got me a pen and paper and reminded myself what I want my legacy to be. I reflected on the way I spent my day and questioned whether my activities were in any small way aligned to the legacy I plan to leave behind. Yeah, admittedly, sometimes we need to give ourselves a break.... but not for too long. When all is said and done I want my life here on earth to have counted . And so I reach for my filter 'to what end' and if the answer isn't leading in the direction of my legacy, I let go. And so today I invite you to hold your actions up to scrutiny and consider the very important life question, 'to what end'? What you do after you answer that question is entirely up to you.

You are not an Imposter!

In an earlier post I wrote how paralyzed I am by the imposter syndrome. Well, not in so many words...but I did express how frustrated I am with always feeling like I don't belong at the table. That's the imposter syndrome for you. It has you expecting to be exposed 'any day now' for the imposter you are., expecting that people will soon find out that you're a hoax; that you are not as capable and competent as you have pretended that you are.

So when you find yourself in the boardroom, after pinching yourselves a thousand times, and behaving like the cat's got your tongue, it takes you a few sittings to a make meaningful contribution because all this time you've been listening to the voice in your head telling you you are an imposter.

Dont listen to it. You know you've worked hard to be where you are. You've come to see that the people in the corner office are no smarter than you are; You've come to recognize that you add value to the room. In your own unique way. You're of no less value or worth than those who have occupied those chairs for what seems like forever.

You are no imposter. You are more than qualified to be where you are. No need to 'bluff- your way ahead. Take up space. Occupy! You belong!

Just express, Don't try to impress!

The change in my approach to writing is indicative of the change in my approach to life in general. I remember when it took me hours, days even, to write something I felt was worthy of public consumption. I would write and erase, and write again and erase again. It never felt good enough. I oftentimes felt the quality of my writing left me exposed to the vagaries of criticism, the type I wasnt sure I was prepared to handle. Cknsequently, so much was left unwritten...effectively unsaid.

Today, I find I write an article or blogpost in minutes. I express myself with very little care as to whether it will impact someone in ways that tell a story of my ability to write or not. I simply express myself. With no intent to impress. It's far less pressure and far more effective.

This is my third blog post in under three hours. None of them is perfect. I'm sure there are typos and punctuation issues, maybe even grammatical errors. I've found that people dont care much. I've found I'm learning to care less. I'm not aiming at perfection. Right now I'm not even sure I'm aiming at excellence. My intention is to use every medium at my disposal (this included) to have my say; to put my voice in the room...in ways that are simple and relatable. That's it.

So, once again as I use this opportunity prove to myself that I CAN, I am grateful for this urge that tells me there is more to be done with this talent. I'm happy for this strong desire to bring it to reality. I'm happy that I'm not allowing my tendency towards perfectionism to hold me back. I'm grateful for the willingness to embrace vulnerability
 Man, how I have grown! Peace...

Reinvesting 'Much.'

"From everyone to whom much is given, much will be demanded." What does that'much' look like for you? Money, talents, resources, networks, opportunities? I'm sure the first thought of many people upon reading this question is, 'I don't have much.' I guess that's based o  how you define it. Truth is, whether thay 'much' looks like 10%, 30% or 100%, we all have an obligation not simply to take care of it, but to multiply it.


The obligation to increase what we are given is a burden that some of us carry around with us everyday. Happily it is a  burden we gladly bear. Money, talents, opportunities, resources, compassion, love and concern must all be increased with the objective of re-investment in the lives of others. It is a noble calling.


The interesting thing about the 'much' we are given is that it requires reinvestment for guaranteed returns. Interest will never grow on money that is hidden away at home. In the same way, that which we have at our disposal is guaranteed to grow only as we invest in the lives of others. Every talent, every resource, every opportunity we take advantage of, yields the best fruit as it used to create increase in others.

So what's in your hand? The truth is that every miracle of change starts with that little that we have at our disposal. No. I did not say that MUCH that we have at our disposal. Few if us have much to start with. But all of us have enough to invest into making 'much.'With an everyday investment if time little easily becomes much. Much re-invested into someone else's life has the potential to create exponential change.

What does it mean to BE AUTHENTIC anyway?

There has been a lot of talk in recent years about authenticity, standing in integrity and being who you truly are. The thought is indeed exciting and sits well with almost all of us....after all, who doesn't want to be in touch with their souls, to be true at their core, to dance to their own song? I dare so we all do....even those who are not courageous enough to actually do it. The urge is still present, the yearning is still real.

Yet, with all this, there are still those who struggle to find, to know, to understand who this 'true me' is. What does it mean to be your authentic self? When you are constantly faced with your flaws and imperfections, when you desire, aspire to change; when you long to be something (not necessarily someone) different....in that context... what does being authentic mean?
Is your authentic self the negative, toxic person that you are, or is it the friendly encouraging person you aspire, long to be?

When you aspire to take your thoughts and dreams, your life vision to the next level but you feel the constant pull and urgings of your former existence, which of these is real? What is an authentic response? Keeping in mind that your former place of existence - the way of being you want to leave behind - may not necessarily be a bad thing, how do you know that this is not who you truly are/were meant to be? When you stand in that bridge who exactly is the real you?

The question that weighs heavily on my mind sometimes is 'what defines something or someone as inauthentic? How does one know that he/she is standing in integrity? What are the signs and triggers? Are there any signs and triggers? One might say....

Lies, obviously
How about an unwillingness to be vulnerable?
Not being responsive to gut feelings?
Denying your personal ambitions?
Holding on to beliefs and dogma fed to you by others without having done your own assessment?
How about holding on to other people's 'truths'?
Feeling obligated to live up to the expectations of others?
A strong desire to deliver 'perfect' results all the time?
Not perceiving failure as the gift it is?
Having a strong need to impress others at the expense of your own happiness?

Is there even a universal definition of authenticity? And, if not, is it therefore not subject to individual definitions of truth?  We hear people say 'live your truth,' the implication being that being that for each of us to be authentic all of us must allow for the diversities which will show up amongst us.

I don't know where you are today in your search/struggle for authenticity. I know for sure, though, that it is a indeed a huge struggle to get from one place to the next, and to keep trying to show up as your true self. I know as well that it is worth every bit if the struggle. You may not like the person you see in the process of transition but I can almost guarantee that you will fall in  love with the girl/guy you meet on the other side.....and you'll know for sure when you get there... for it is that moment when you feel at peace at your very core!

I find there is much to be grateful for.....

Another birthday rolls around and I find that there is much to be grateful for. I know I have been divinely favoured especially in these very recent years. Sometimes I feel hand-picked "for such a time as this" and in these quiet moments of reflection that a birthday normally affords, I cannot help but feel overwhelmed with the awesome mantle I am called to bear. I am grateful everyday that our Creator sees in me that which I was unable to see for so long. I am eternally grateful for the grace He has afforded me over the years.

Birthdays  often bring us to a place of quiet reflection. We are forced to contend with thoughts of what we have achieved over the years...whether our accomplishments match our goals we set ourselves over the years....what if we had done that thing our heart longed/longs for....where might we have been had we been brave enough to take the risks that could have been life-changing. Yeah, birthdays have a way of doing that to you....if you are not careful where your thoughts take you.

But today as I contemplate the great 'what ifs' and 'whethers' of my own life, I am forced to shelf any lingering thoughts of underachievement and inadequacy. I am instead faced with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Yes......look how far I have come. Look what God has done....Look at what I have left behind....and I am reveling in the freedom that I am afforded to simply be....and become. I know that every tomorrow is divinely ordained. I know that every tomorrow will count for something...something bigger than me....I know the purpose to which I am called, I see the Plan into which I fit...I see my role and I gladly put on the mantle....I will create the change to which I am called.

So today...now....right in this moment of this 'next level' birthday. I pause....and I give thanks. For the blessings of this moment....for the hope of tomorrow....for the friends who have been with me on this journey...for the lives I have been able to impact so far and for those I will influence who I have not yet met. I am grateful for every lesson learnt on the journey so far and I look forward to the many lessons of the future. I listen to the age-old wisdom of men but I defer to the Wisdom of the Divine. I eagerly anticipate each new day, knowing that God is doing a new thing in me. I claim it even as I move into a new era of accomplishments with faith and humility.

Happy birthday to me. I immerse myself even now in an anticipation of the future. Forever in His debt.