Fighting feelings of Inadequacy

One of the biggest struggles I have faced over the course of my life is a constant and consistent feeling of inadequacy. There are but few times in my life that I have ever felt equal to a task, right for a job, good enough to make the grade, or the best prospect for a potential engagement. Imagine then, the dissonance, the pressure, the discontent, the powder-keg in  my heart and mind when those feelings of inadequacy were juxtaposed against that burning desire in me to 'be somebody'. The result? Anger, frustration...jealousy even.
Now, don't get me wrong, this desire to be somebody was not a fickle (as I see it) desire for fame....I'm talking about a desire to answer my calling, to pursue my passions, to use the gifts with which I have been endowed.

Noble desire if you ask me....but one I couldn't find how to fulfill, one (if I am to be totally honest) I still struggle with. For how was I to find my way out of this bottle-neck of inadequacy?  How was I to push beyond these feelings to find my real worth? And what makes it worse is that, more often than not, these feelings do not confine themselves to one area of your life. They may manifest in your career such that it takes you longer than desired to finish a project, a task, an assignment. My propensity to procrastinate, I have found, is more appropriately addressed not as a cause, but an effect......an effect, and a symptom of my feelings of inadequacy. But they also manifest in our relationships making us feel not pretty enough or  unworthy of the love and affection being directed at us, and consequently our insecurities threaten or de-stabilize our relationships. Our inattention to our health or our appearance may all be a reflection of these feelings of not being enough.....not good enough, not pretty enough, not bright enough.

Mind games! I had often heard it said how crucial our thoughts are to our feelings, and how important our philosophies are to creating those feelings in the first place but I hadn't paid attention. Til now.  The point is, every one of us has the ability and the opportunity to create the world in which we exist by taking control of the things we believe, not just of the world around us, but that which we believe about ourselves. Everyday we have the opportunity to become intentional about what we feed our spirit, our minds. Overcoming feelings of inadequacy requires us developing a correct estimate of our abilities, taking stock of our talents, measuring where we are today in relation to where we want to be and finding ways to fill those gaps. Deliberate design.

The Christian theologian, St. Augustine of Hippo, is known to have said, "People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge wave of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering."  Deep. But the average person finds little about himself with which to be awed. And this has nothing to do with an ego trip. We are of infinite worth, but our value to others will always only be based on the estimate we place on ourselves. People believe what we tell them about ourselves and if we continue to allow our feelings of inadequacy to define us, that's the message we send. Its time to re-define yourself. It's hasn't been easy, but I have taken the bold step. I trust you will too!

Every day Counts

Benjamin Franklin it was who, more than two centuries ago,  said, "Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time for that's the stuff life is made of." Strong point. One that doesn't really leave much room for argument. And isn't it easy, especially for the more conscientious among us, to walk away thinking that those words bring no burden of guilt upon us, for we certainly do not squander time. The word squander after all, bears connotations of a wanton waste of the commodity we have so learnt to value. But there-in lies the problem. For it is but a  few among us who have come to realize that it's the everyday matters that accumulate.

 So few among us have come to the place where we realize that today, today's every choice rolls up into tomorrow, and tomorrow tells for who we become, and where we end up along life's journey. So you may not be big party goers, you may not spend much time with the hip crowd, but still, what did your today look  like in the big scheme of things? In the words of Robert Lewis Stephenson, let me remind you that each day is better judged 'not by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant." The point is, every action (or inaction) today plants a seed. So, as it relates to your health, career, spiritual or financial goals, how would you rate the quality of the seeds you planted today?

Whether you are aware of it or not, in pursuit of your big goals, every single day counts. For our 'big, hairy, audacious' goals are the sum of everyday simple, seemingly insignificant choices. It is easy for us to pass each day without making  a deliberate decision as to whether it will send us further into oblivion or whether it brings us closer to the achievement of our goals. It is easy for us to wake up and go to bed at close of day without adding one iota to our stock of value, however we reckon that value. And that happens very often without notice. Insidiously. And one day turns into two, then three, four...weeks, months and our lives are lived without positive influence or impact, and the light we were created to bring with uniqueness into our world never gets lit.

Your deliberate decision may be as simple as creating a daily do-to list that is aligned to your long term goals or it may be as complex as developing and implementing a personal strategic plan. The choice is yours. What's important is that you craft a strategy for spending each day doing something that brings you closer to realizing your full potential and actualizing your dreams. Yes, it's your life, but never forget ....everyday matters add up and make every day count towards your better future.

Something More Than This

Have you ever been in a place where it feels like all this talk about 'effort' has made a cynic of you?.....where you feel that despite all the talk to the contrary, effort, hard work and discipline are not always evenly rewarded? And this, because you know first hand what it feels like to give your all and have life send you back mere echoes of emptiness, reverberations of despair?

Truly, if we are not careful we very easily get sucked in and overwhelmed by the evidence around us. Our material circumstances lead us to doubt the likelihood of positive change.But if at all you are among the minority with deeper motivations than keeping your head above water,  simply doing what is necessary to guarantee a pay cheque, to pass that exam or secure that deal, you'll find pretty soon that something innate pushes you to get beyond this place.

Yes,  deep inside you know that, like the caterpillar, you were born for something more than this.....you feel a constant, unrelenting urge to see what's possible, to ensure your lot is not as those who 'die with their music still in them.' And like the caterpillar emerges from its chrysalis a beautiful butterfly,  you know that you will emerge from these circumstances stronger, more masterful and far more prepared to bless your world.

Time has taught me that life is cyclical....like the seasons, positive and negative material circumstances change. More importantly, I've come to learn that the way we experience our circumstances, our attitudes as we pass through them, is far more important than the circumstances themselves. Our belief that we were born for more than we are currently experiencing moves us beyond despair, and becomes the catalyst for persistence, for hope and ultimately for change...No doubt, you were born for something more than this. It behooves you, therefore,  to make every 'effort', to ensure you do not deny the world that which you alone were born to bring to it!

Growth is Optional

One of the most potent lessons I have learnt along my journey of intentional living is that change is inevitable but growth is optional. Change, being life's one constant, happens whether I am aware of it or not. It does not necessarily require conscious engagement on my part. Growth, however, is  all my call. The extent and rate of growth that I experience throughout my lifetime is entirely up to me.

The challenge for those of us interested in personal growth is, therefore, ensuring that change doesn't simply happen to us, around us, before us, in spite of us. Change must be designed by us, and that change must be easily identifiable as growth. The important thing for us to recognize is that every day that goes by that is not directly linked to life goals ( and strategies to achieve those goals) is a day which will result in change, but never growth.

 Obviously, all growth is change, but not all change is growth, and we need to make those distinctions personally and early in or life experience. What is important then is that, much the same way we would plan a company's growth strategy, we design our own strategy for personal growth. Important to this decision is the recognition, however, that some growth is structured and can be easily planned. The other, probably more important element of growth, is derived and far less structured. Structured and planned growth occurs with each book we read, each class we take, every goal achieved, every increase in competence levels. Growth that is derived, on the other hand, is that which we become as a result of the experiences we have. The maturity we experience, the courage we gain, increases in levels of persistence and patience, the willingness to try until......the ways in which our characters develop as we deliberately pursue and achieve the goals we set ourselves...the more valuable, greater intangibles obtained from the pursuit of the tangible.

Whether the growth that we experience results from the trinkets we achieve or the treasures we become, one thing is certain.....neither will occur without a deliberate attempt to change our current circumstance. Obviously then,  personal growth demands that we wholeheartedly embrace the maxim "if it's going to be, it's up to me" and move boldly to change our world.

Better than Knowledge

My love for books and reading helped me discover pretty early on that I would find my competitive advantage in that which I knew, and thus I leveraged that insight  to my academic and professional benefit. But I soon learnt, whether fortunately or unfortunately, that that which you know makes you little more than a repository of information, at best, and everybody's go-to (resource person) at worst.

Without a doubt, increasing knowledge expands our world and thus increases the number of real opportunities available to us. However, too many of us are content to stay in the realm of knowledge, simply for the status it conveys, or (more likely) for the fear of what it will require of us to take the plunge into application. Yes, stepping outside that constraining comfort zone. For sure, "better than knowledge is applied knowledge." Real change, personal growth, comes about only as we close our eyes to our fears, block out the noise of discouragement and negativity and take the required plunge of faith. Achieving all that we want is altogether contingent upon the application of all that we know.

No-brainer, right? Maybe. But then, in the face of the increasing availability of vast amounts of information, existing talent and skill sets, what explains the extent of our mediocrity and underachievement? I posit a failure to move beyond the realm of knowledge, undoubtedly the result of knowledge underutilized unexplored, un-applied.

Whether it be because of a fear of failure, a lack of confidence, an inability to dream....to see beyond your current circumstance, understanding that 'knowing' takes you to the river but never across it is crucial. The likelihood of your reaching your highest potential is directly related to your willingness to act in spite of your external circumstance, or in the face of inner conflict and turmoil.  You've read the books, taken the classes, you have the requisite know-how and talent to get the task done, to move yourself to the next level. Every attempt at application of this know-how increases ability and confidence, and failure teaches far greater lessons than success ever will. Increasing our failure rates, we are told, increases the likelihood of eventual success. So go ahead, take the plunge....do what you know you ought to do. Just do it!

The Enemy Within

The tendency to get in the way of our own development is a problem with which many of us contend - consciously or unconsciously. "The enemy within" does us more harm than any external foe (many times of our own conjecture).

The pangs of fear and concern that often accompany our first attempts at a new venture/involvement are normal and natural. And, as such, an initial reluctance is understandable. Beyond this, however, prolonged fear, a lack of faith in our own abilities, feelings of inadequacy, inconsistent actions, a constant lack of preparation are all manifestations of the enemy within, and huge obstacles to our growth.

Have you ever watched someone make a muddle of something you know, deep inside, they were born to do? And have you ever found yourself wondering "how come he/she is there and I am here?" It's not that that someone didn't have to face his/her own enemies and battle his/her own ghosts. It's that they did it anyway. And with each less than perfect attempt, they continued to fight until the enemy within was vanquished.

Without a doubt, it is important to know what the enemy sounds like (what do you find yourself saying?); what it looks like (what do you see that makes you pull back?); and what it feels like (what emotions do you experience that tell you you aren't fit for this task?).  But it is important to know only in order that you may  know when to advance (and not retreat); when to 'Just do it': In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson "Do the thing and you shall have the power". It's that simple. And I promise you will find that there is no more effective means of defeating the enemy within, on the way to unleashing your passions and realizing your full potential.

...In spite of Hope and Focus

Over the years, two words have come to have special meaning to me: 'Hope' and 'Focus' - the one because of the difference it has made to my attitude, the other because of the difference it has made to my results.

For the greater part of my life my default mindset has been one of negativity - not being able to imagine the possibilities, to visualize the future I longed for, always expecting that life would somehow be unfair to me and that the world would conspire to bring me defeat......that's until I learnt, by experience, the difference that hope makes.

In those early, dark days I became a participant observer in the beginning stages of my mental metamorphosis. I watched as the hope of a promotion (a significant career move) changed my outlook, my picture of the future, my own little self-sufficient world view. No, I didn't get the desired promotion but for a brief moment hope buoyed my spirit and I knew then and there that I had crossed a mental chasm to which I had no desire to return. Such is the potency of hope.

Then there is my other favourite word: focus. I learnt early on, the necessity of narrowing my focus so as to broaden my influence and strengthen my impact. Marketers know the value of the focus strategy to building a presence, targeting and capturing entire market segments. Breaking big tasks into small, manageable pieces and focusing on each small task a little at a time, not only increases the likelihood of getting the task done, but more often than not, improves the quality of the output. Focus increases interest, familiarity, expertise, and consequently, results.

But as important as hope is (in the words of Rick Page), hope is not a strategy. And even though focus trumps hope in terms of bringing desired results, focus requires appropriately aligned activities to be effective. Hope ignites a fire. You have to be intentional about keeping it lit. Focus brings potential into full view but only intense, intentional, properly aligned activities have the power to bring to fruition the desired results....