Discipline takes Time....Be gentle with yourself!

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments." Tell me about it! I have heard it said so many times it feels like a bell ringing in my ear. The truth about adages like these is that they work fine when they come easy. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was is to discipline myself long enough to see real and lasting change. Oh yeah, I've seen the fleeting results of a six-month weight loss programme, I have saved more in one year than I've saved in all my other years combined.....only to find myself back at the starting post...with no money in the bank and little or no disposable income. Oh believe me, I know first-hand the vicissitudes of attempting a life of discipline.

And what's even worse than watching yourself fail over and over again is what it does to your mental and emotional state. Each failure, if you're not careful, makes you less willing to attempt the next opportunity. Feelings of incompetence, inadequacy and insecurity become bed-fellows and instead of going after the growth that motivated your initial efforts, you begin to shun the discipline necessary to becoming more. I know. I have been there. Over and over again.

But I am learning how to get over the bridge. I've learnt how very important it is to give myself permission to fail...over and over again. I have learnt that great is still the enemy of good and that to strive for perfection is to set myself up for loss. And so I have determined that baby steps in the direction of my goals is way better than no steps at all. I have learnt how important it is to maintain focus in the face of distractions; that it may be necessary to take small breaks but always to return to base....to the task of working to make a difference in the lives of others, to finding my truth, to living authentically, to becoming all I was created to be...to living intentionally.

And so today my encouragement to you is chin up....if you've tried and failed over and again at losing weight, developing a reading discipline, drinking more water, eating more vegetables, studying more frequently, networking more...whatever it is...keep at it. All of today's experts were once in the place you find yourself today. Discipline, like success, does not happen over-night. You have probably been undisciplined all your life....change won't happen just cause you want it to. Habits and routines take time. Discipline will happen as you keep at it through all the twists and turns, ups and downs, wins and losses. Just be sure to never give in. To those truly invested in your personal growth I say, the road along that extra mile is never crowded....go the distance. Discipline will come. It's guaranteed!

Who are you, really?

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." So said the great philosopher Aristotle...and who am I to try to discount or discredit this sage of a man? But something a colleague of mine said in conversation recently got me thinking. "Never confuse who you are with what you do." Contradictory maybe but for me it was quite disarming. The fact is that, the things we repeatedly do, very often are determined by our circumstance, mandated by our superiors, expected by our peers or recommended by our 'role models.'

But what recently cemented the sentiment in my head was a conversation I had with a former class-mate of mine. We were attending a reunion of sorts and as we chatted I questioned his reserved, withdrawn attitude to the other attendees. Remembering how persistently rambunctious and outgoing he had been throughout our high school years, it was strange to see him assume this new demeanour. What he said to me was instructive..."Over the years, I have come to learn that I am an introvert. What you saw during those years was simply a herculean effort to fit in, to do what I thought would make be accepted. These days I am comfortable with who I am....a guy who would rather be by himself most days of the week." Telling....but what's important is that not only had I and everybody else believed what his actions told us he was, but he had believed it too. Lucky for him, in time, he found his authentic self and became comfortable with who he really is.

So......who are you, really? If you really are this girl who is comfortable behind the scenes, away from the limelight, then how do you explain this almost subconscious longing to be seen and heard? If you really are an introvert, why do you have this persistent, latent desire for a sense of belonging and companionship?  The truth is that many times the values we hold to are those that are imposed upon us, those that we have been told are more virtuous, those that make us feel superior, those that make the people around us happy. But what makes you happy? What ideas, values are all your own? To what drum does your heart respond? What will it take to make you pull the plug on wanting to please others?

The fact is, finding our true self is always the starting point of any journey to significance, any effort at living intentionally. Learning to live on purpose is about being honest with ourselves, walking away from everything that does not bring us into alignment with our reason for being....learning to shed the burden of other people's expectations and with every decision to be made, constantly asking ourselves "Is this who I am?" If the answer to that question brings dissonance and misalignment...then no....this isn't who you are. For who you are is always and only a synchronization with your higher purpose. Here's to finding your true self!  

Take your life back: Set some Boundaries!

We teach people how to treat us by what we allow, stop or reinforce. There are no two ways about that. What we allow is what will continue. Whether you realize it or not, a lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. People take the cue as to where to draw the line from us. Boundary-less relationships are a breeding place for chaos and disorder. If you find yourself emotionally drained, over-worked, overwhelmed, stressed out, frequently frustrated and angry, its time to set yourself some healthy boundaries.

Boundaries allow us to take better care of ourselves - emotionally, physically, mentally ans spiritually. Setting these limits often come down to learning to use the word 'No', and there are few things as powerfully liberating as being able to say 'no' without feeling guilty, and as they say, "No is a complete statement." No need for explanations, guilt or recriminations. Daring to say no is about loving ourselves enough to walk away from situations that don't serve our good, even at the risk of disappointing others. The truth is, there will always be people who try to take advantage of us....people who try to put off on us, tasks that they could do for themselves. people seeking a free ride. We must learn to be wary of people who make more withdrawals than deposits in our lives. Bailing people out of their problems is not necessarily an act of love. Sometimes people need to learn from the consequences of their actions or inaction. 

Maybe it's your time to draw a line in the sand and take your life back - time to get intentional and create some boundaries. Go ahead, create some office hour boundaries, some e-mail boundaries, some social media boundaries, establish a schedule and stick to it. Now, I'm not advocating that you close the doors to anybody who comes knocking. Rather, it's about being crystal clear about aligning your activities with your larger purpose and goals. It's about expending your energies in ways that advance your mission, and reserving your energies for the people, things and experiences that matter.

But, a word of caution....boundaries are merely personal property lines. They are meant to protect us and preserve our energies and overall well being. They are not meant to rob us of life. A wise man once said, 'the walls we build around us.....often keep out the joy". Boundaries are not meant to limit our progress or rob us of life. Healthy barriers are not meant to be walls to block others out. Good relationships are necessary for personal growth and barriers are intended for just that....to set us free to give ourselves to those people and things we love....and most importantly, to love ourselves as truly and as authentically as is possible. It's important to understand the difference. Now it's time to draw the line....find yourself!

Your Destiny awaits You

What do you do when you feel called to a task that is bigger than you are? How do you respond when something inside of you tells you that ahead of you lies a destiny that you are as yet ill-equipped to realize? Do you look at evidence around you and accept that folly comes from a heart that dreams too big, or do you move towards the destiny that beckons you into the glorious unknown?

It was Martin Luther King who wisely told us how important it is to step forward even when we can't see the entire staircase. With time, I have come to realize that life's great achievers very often never felt equal to the task when they first began, but they took the first step anyway. In my own life, I have come to accept that the things I am passionate about, the talents and gifts with which I believe I have been endowed, are not phenomenal. They don't make me stand out in a crowd. But I have purposed in my heart to use them....every day of my life, on this my journey of becoming. And, wonder of wonders, I have found that with each new investment of effort...with every resolve to give a little of these gifts to the world.....bit by bit, I feel closer to the vision I have for myself...and, better yet, far more within reach of my remarkable pre-ordained destiny.

But you've got to make up your mind. You must believe that what you bring to the table matters. That your gift counts. That you count. That you are uniquely qualified to unwrap the gits you have to offer. That no matter how many look like it, sound like it, are better than it....you must lay yours on the table anyway. You owe it to the world to unveil and unpack your uncommon contribution, to step into the path that leads to you destiny.

Consistent action is all it takes. Action. Tiny actions. Insignificant action. Action without audience, maybe. But action, nonetheless. Your feeling of self worth demands it. Your destiny bids you answer the call. You know it. Even now you see your legacy gracefully reflected from the as yet unpainted walls of your amazing future. Your destiny awaits you. Go ahead. Answer the call.

Go Forward!

Today, as we stand on the threshold of 2016, my encouragement to you is don't look back. Don't look back and get tripped up by the trail of distress and despair that you may have left behind in 2015. Don't look back with longing at the trivial pursuits that may have cost you valuable time and robbed you of the results you long for. Don't look over your shoulder for the companions that left you in a heap of negativity and drained you of the energy required for making the difference you want to make. Don't wallow in regret and self pity over the mistakes you made......instead, pick yourself up and go forward!

Go forward in spite of the mountains of doubt that surround you, and the weight of fear that bears down upon you. Go forward in the mustard seed faith that you can muster, because that is the only thing that you may have to hold on to at this time....and boy, do we need that little bit of faith whispering in our ear when the going gets tough. Keep moving ahead even though the memories of the wounds inflicted by loved ones might be strong. The sting of betrayal may still linger in your heart, and it may be difficult to let go of the hurt but if you keep dwelling on the hurts of the past, you are sure to miss the healing of the present. Grab a hold of the gift of today, the promise of tomorrow and move forward.

The road ahead is entirely one of your making. There are great things in store for your future but its unfolding demands that you keep your head out of the rear-view mirror. It requires that you understand firstly that though God has big plans for you, their realization depends on your claiming them, and moving to make them happen. Full focus. Forgetting those things that are behind. Pressing towards the mark of that High Calling. Letting go. Dropping off. Moving into that promise! Your future...who you become.... is a beautiful gift from God. But if you never move forward to claim it, unwrap it, and use it to benefit others it will remain the unfulfilled promise that was (or could have been) YOU!

So move forward, my friend. The new year offers you the opportunity to start afresh....to challenge yourself.....to rise from the ashes.....to uncover the pearls under the sand, the diamond under the coal of your character. Let the ebb and flow of life wash away the sands of past mistakes, broken dreams and bring ashore the golden promise of a better you. Make your moments matter, your life count for something. Square your shoulders and go forward...Boldly!

Results or Excuses?

It took me some time, but I learnt before too late that excuses and results (at least the kind of life-changing results we all crave) are mutually exclusive. The inclination to justify our actions or inaction is a disease we all fight with varying degrees of success. After all if I don't stand up for me, who will? It means simply, therefore, that we must make up our minds whether we want to continue to blame everything and everyone around us or we want to take responsibility for changing our circumstances.

The fact is, we can only judge a tree by the fruits that it bears. The fruit it has the potential to bear and those it is expected to bear are of consequence only as they stand in condemnation of the number it actually produces. In other words, our value to the market place is dependent on the quality of our results. In the long run it is only that which we do - our actions - not what we intended, hoped, planned or wanted to do that counts.

But oh how easy it is, in the face of challenges, to justify our inactions. How often have we told our selves with some degree of satisfaction that we do not have the resources to complete the new project at work, not enough time for exercising or regular reading or inadequate skills for tackling a task you've been wanting to get done. I'm pretty sure that at one time or another you have caught yourself saying "as soon as the weather changes," and maybe you've even gone as far thinking 'when the kids are grown." Excuses have a way of postponing, or denying us of the results we seek one small justifiable reason at a time.

So what will it be, excuses or results? Legitimate reasons for under achievement or a deliberate effort to press forward in spite of our realities? The fact is, there will always be genuine excuses waiting in the wings. Our weight loss programme can easily get shoved into the corner because of our hair concerns. Competing priorities at home are always going to impact our ability to read a book or spend time with our spouses. It is what it is. But we need to come to the place where we draw a line in the sand and say, "what will it be? Am I committed to the results I seek or will I forever justify my inaction with excuses. That power to choose is available to all us. I guess in the long run it all comes down to the results we seek.  

Let your 'WHY' lead you

It's been a long time since I have 'put pen to paper' on this blog. And it's not for lack of trying. Several times I have sat down in hopes of staying long enough with a thought to actually see it through to a paragraph. Still here I am struggling to wrap my head around something, anything meaningful about which to write. So I guess today's major lesson will be about making sure that your 'why' is bigger than the obstacles you face.....about learning to push through when it feels like you are groping in the dark, when you can't see the entire stair-case or when your life's GPS just doesn't seem to want to take you where you want to go.

So why should we  not wait til we are seized with the vibes and the energy that the task requires? Why should we not await the inspiration that is sure to come? What's the value of trudging on enduring the mental and physical exhaustion that comes from attempting to meet lofty goals? I guess its simply that some of us are not willing to risk the likelihood of our music dying within us......some of us are acutely aware of the value and urgency of momentum, of allowing our actions to keep pace with our heartbeat.  And so we press on.....in spite of our lack in the moment. We press on because our 'why' gives impetus to our actions.

The truth is life has no guarantees, and becoming a spectator to the unfolding of our own lives is certainly no way of ensuring that we win the game. Sitting out a round or two while we wait for our talents to manifest themselves, the writers block to mysteriously disappear, or an important business deal to land in our laps is certainly not the way to go. And learning to keep momentum in challenging times  requires that your purpose be more noble than your objective. That is, your motivation must be a greater push factor than the achievement of the goal itself.

 Why do you do the thing you currently struggle with? Is it not important enough to get you off your laurels and back into work mode? Does it not whisper to you a refrain of disciplined activity? Does it not say, 'it matters not that this moment of imperfection beguiles you." They say "Good is the enemy of great." I say great is, more often, the enemy of  good.  All too often the seeming enormity of the task prevents us from making that first move. "Great" intimidates us. I say anything worth doing is worth doing imperfectly for the time being. Imperfect action trumps no action any day. Today, I encourage you, by deliberate design, to rediscover your 'why,' dust it back off and make it the center piece of your life. There's no telling what you might be motivated to accomplish in spite of yourself.