Changing your Response Changes Everything...

Over the years of my life I have struggled with who I am...whether that be my physical appearance, my introversion, my anger and resentment at the world, or simply my longing to become better at what I do......my life has been an unending struggle for change. More importantly, as a border-line-irrational control freak, I have spent my life trying to control and change every adverse circumstance I've found myself in...determined to experience only the ideal. Sometimes that looked like praying for change, other times it meant negotiating my way out of a situation, but most often it meant senselessly working my butt off......plenty good that did me (or not!)

But I have mellowed. Time has taught me the wisdom of letting it all happen; of letting the rain come, and dancing in that rain. Yes, I have learnt to dance upon my disappointments, smile at the storm, wait in the shadows for change. But that doesn't always mean sitting back and doing nothing. In fact, more often it means a rational approach to looking for growth opportunities. It means looking for the  lessons the problem was meant to teach me and searching out ways to grasp those lessons. The biggest lesson I have learnt through all of this, however, is that so often we expend our efforts at trying to solve the problem or change the circumstance when, without fail, (a hundred percent of the times) the only thing we need to change in order to progress is our response to the problem.

So I have learnt to turn the search-light on myself. But I no longer struggle with who I am - my physical appearance or even my melancholic-choleric personality type. I have accepted that, and I no longer try to change who I am in order to fit in. Instead, I spend much of my waking moments crafting my response to life's circumstances. These days that looks like praying (..still), journaling, introspection, finding expert advice (mainly through reading), changing what I can and letting go mentally of the things I can't control. And I ask myself over and over again...how can I get better, wiser, stronger from all of this....and I look steadfastly for the answers.

In all of this, I have found a simple but trustworthy approach to life.....accept who you are (while you are on your growth journey) and work on changing your response to problems....the problems usually work themselves out. The struggle for change must never lead to the inauthentic or superficial. It starts with a face to face acceptance of who you are, unearthing the strengths you find and applying those to the problems life throws at you. You will find in the process that change comes, that improvement is in fact guaranteed......both to you and to your circumstance.

Breathe......

Do you ever get tired of all the advice that is thrown at you from the internet? Ten ways to do this, five things successful people do every day, thirty things you ought to know before you are thirty...yadda, yadda... and the lists go on. Does it all become overwhelming? Do you find that each attempt to follow the advice results in increasing levels of inertia.....growing numbers of failed attempts leading to increasing levels of reluctance to try again? I know. I've been there. So here's what I'm suggesting........give it all a break. Time out. Chuck it. Breathe....

I know.....isn't that what I am guilty of right now? Giving you advice. Maybe. But I am right at this place right now and needed to escape...to my comfort zone; my happy place; my introverted self; my writing....and I write not because I'm good at it. I write not because others look forward to it...not for an audience. I write because it is my happy place; the place I escape to, far from the madding crowd...away from the sometimes cruel eyes of scrutiny; not caring a bit about other people's opinion of my abilities..just opening up, being me, speaking to my spirit; calling forth that which is natural and beautiful....in my own eyes. And I am deliberate about it. I am purposeful about my refreshing, my escape. I empty the space of other people's opinions and expectations. And I elicit the unknown.

So while I may be guilty of attempting to follow the internet's road to perfection and success advice sometimes....in the back of my head always is the thought that this is my journey...my pace....my story...and I tell tell it just the way I want. There will be times when I keep pace with the crowd, times when I am slow and steady... but most importantly times when I back out altogether...times when I heed the call for a refreshing....when I remind myself what's really important in life.

So where do you go when you want to stop the voices telling you how to go from good to great? Yes...those voices that beckon to you mercilessly everyday of your life....sounds your heart responds to, but sounds from which you need to withdraw and retreat to preserve your sanity sometimes? What is your happy place? Is it calling to you now. Be deliberate. Make some time and space for your happy place. Get back in touch with your soul. Answer the call.

Your Gifts Will Make Room for You

Like the caterpillar cocooned in its chrysalis, do you sometimes feel that you were born for ‘something more than this’? I know I have. I know I do. Every…single…day…of…my…..life. All day. Everyday. And that's fine. It means I'm still growing.  The trouble is many people never get beyond that feeling. Not for lack of a desire to change, but rather because of a lack of know-how. Experiencing that metamorphosis, though, is more up to our intentional efforts than the forces of nature at work on us. Here’s what I have found to be the most powerful formula in getting us to that place:  “If you work on your gifts they will make room for you.”

 In other words, it is in our giftedness that we are most effective…..not in our level of intellect….not in the extent of our exposure, not even inthe strength of our connectedness. Very simply, it is in the development and maximization of our gifts that we find our place on this earth. It is a universal law, a biblical declaration. In fact, the Bible declares “A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men.” It doesn’t get clearer than that.  Our passions fuel our purpose but our giftedness determines how far we go, how effectively we deliver on our purpose. Obviously, the more gifted we are, the higher uphill we can climb in pursuit of our purpose.  

Be not mistaken about it, I know all men are not gifted equally. In fact some men (and women) are not even sure what their gifts are. That’s not hard to understand. Some people are more in touch with themselves, more mindful than others. Some have asked the question of themselves for years and still come up blank. There’s only one way I know how to answer the question (and maybe you know many more). But so far I’ve worked with ‘what am I good at?’ Simple. And we are not now talking relative to your neighbour or sibling or friend. It’s simply about self. Of all the things I do, what ones do I do best? That’s the first step. You may not come up with many, but it’s a place to start.

The thing about gifts and talents though is that they have to be developed. Nurtured. Matured. Maximized. Only as they grow do we grow. Our gifts will never take us places if we don’t actively seek ways to use them. Consistently. Consistency makes the difference. Consistency compounds our growth and our effectiveness. Let’s today make the intentional decision to find an outlet for our gifts, one that gives us the opportunity to consistently use them and then let’s sit back and watch as they ‘make room for us.’

Embrace Your Inexperience

Youthful Exuberance Prohibited 

As a lecturer to young, soon-to-be graduating college students, class discussions often run into the realm of the beyond. What’s to be expected after graduation? Will they be (or have they been) adequately prepared for the real world? Inevitably the conversation comes around to their inexperience and the part that that will play in their ability to join the work-force in short order. Intimidation often sets in, bolstered of course by their discomfort with trying to articulate the anticipated “what do you bring to the table?”

Sometimes it gets hard to listen to them grapple with their feelings of inadequacy. Knowing full well that a ticket to even the average corporate internship requires some amount of experience and that even gaining entry level jobs has become competitive, I have found myself, over the years, encouraging them to volunteer. After all, voluntarism underscores ones value to corporate citizenship and sends a positive message about our willingness to learn and serve. Nothing wrong with that…..I guess.

But in recent times, and as I continue to explore the value of adopting the entrepreneurial mind-set as a worldview….as I examine the need for creativity, innovation and personal initiative in corporate environments, I have come to believe that experience is over-rated. I cannot but drag my mind back to the realities of continuity.... of a lack-lustre, below par corporate environment that is steeped in rules, regulations and processes that confine and constrain employees to under-perform.  

What if employers began to place more value on the curiosity and fervour  that young graduates bring to the environment? What if they began to view inexperience as an asset that could help in harnessing the unconventional, leveraging the creativity that leads to innovation? What if more corporate recruiters began to think like Steve Jobs who is known to have said “it doesn’t make sense to hire smart people to tell them what to do.” What if corporate executives began to see experience as a greater risk exposure? – the huge risk of remaining constant in an ever-changing (rapidly evolving) business environment? What if the unwillingness to embrace inexperience robs companies of the following?

•         The outsiders’ advantage – Industry thought leaders have over the years assisted in innovation – incremental innovation, more often than not. The newbie, the outsider, introduces a greater likelihood of deep and thorough investigation from avenues never before pursued. He/she introduces a new perspective, asks the ‘dumb’ questions, maybe…leading to the right answers
•     The value of unlearning and re-learning – too many corporations get bogged down with ‘the way things are done.’ Learning is constrained by the conventional...the traditional. Strategies then remain reactive rather than pro-active. The benefits (though over-stated) of the ‘first-mover advantage’ are never realized. The inexperienced often bring the latest know-how technologically, theoretically and practically. All have their advantages.
• A greater readiness to explore the unexplored – Inexperience is often tied to youth and youth to exuberance. Who are more willing to challenge the status quo than youth inebriated with the desire to create and cease opportunities for renown and success?
• Hunger for success – 'Passion', purpose', 'contributing to a cause' are not only buzz words on the tongues of entrepreneurs and the people interested in them. Today there is a new breed of young, admittedly inexperienced, college graduates waiting to make their mark on the world. Their hunger drives them. They want to belong to something bigger than themselves but they want to be able to carve out their place in that ‘something.’ They want to leave their finger prints and foot prints. They want to succeed and succeed big.

Shouldn’t any right-thinking company, serious about gaining competitive advantage, therefore, embrace the possibilities that lie within the realm of inexperience? What if you, in your own personal experience, were to embrace your inexperience as an opportunity to disrupt the no-longer-working status quo? What if you saw yourself  as a critical link to the as-yet-unknown? Let's face it, in today’s business environment inexperience is no longer a disadvantage. In an age of innovation, exploration, discovery and disruption, inexperience (aka creativity, innovation, energy, experimentation) is an asset – a value you should wholeheartedly embrace!

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Find your Penny and Stay Invested

Quotesgram.com

Almost every time I turn my mind toward writing an article for this blog, something inside me questions my reason for continuing. What is it that I'm gonna say that has not already been said? Are there not thousands of blogs and bloggers saying the same things? What difference will I make? What value will I add? Isn't it just as well I throw in the towel and call it quits? I guess I could. But I won't. Here's why:

• My blog is my voice - a way of pushing back against the things I disdain, and registering my opinions and ideas; the place where these ideas and opinions gestate awaiting birth.
• It is my sanctuary - My place of retreat...therapy for my soul, a place to reflect and take stock...to be the person that nobody sees, the deepest, most beautiful parts of my spirit -an opportunity to be awed by who I really am....deep down.
• It is my contribution to my world, my place to make a difference, to join hands with thousands who crusade for change and growth, and actively impacting others for good.
• It is my chance to prove the veracity of the philosophies I hold dear...philosophies that tell me that meaningful change is incremental; philosophies that remind me that in order to fell the trees of life (challenges), I must sharpen the axe (me).
• It allows me the chance to hone my craft, to peddle my creativity, to add value to the world of literary artistry.

Maybe you feel the same way about your business, your writing, or a task you have been labouring over for years. Maybe you have begun to question your/its worth. Maybe you feel like you're adding no value to the room...like its time to throw in your cards and walk away from the table. The market is saturated you say....the world has enough people like me. Maybe...but what of your niche? What of the space in time that you were created to fill, that space that only you can fill? Maybe you need to step back and think for a moment about these things:

•  What's your differentiation strategy - for your life, for your business, for your mission?
• What's your value proposition? - What problem(s) do you propose to solve for others?
• What's your unfair advantage? - Your core competences, your available resources? What makes you uniquely you.... and gives you an edge above the competition?
• How can you leverage your passion in ways that make 'work' less laborious
• And to borrow from author, researcher and psychologist, Brene Brown, 'what would you do that's worth doing even if you fail?' 



Image courtesy of quotesgram.com

If you find you can answer these questions conclusively then its time to get back into the game. If you can't answer all just now, take your time. Do your introspection. Just don't give up on who you are and what you want just because the arena seems full. You may find you have to sit out a round but never become a spectator to your own life. 

 Sometimes staying invested is literally that - an investment  - of a penny. A penny - that's all. My blog is my penny. What's yours?

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Be Doers of the Word(s)

"Be ye doers of the word and not hearers only" is a popular scriptural injunction - one I have found it to be as relevant to building a business or to building a life as it is to building faith. We have often heard that readers are leaders. The most successful people in the world spend a significant amount of time learning their craft. Much of this learning comes through reading.

 We are told that Warren Buffet spends up to five hours per day these days just reading within his field. Yeah, maybe you're right. He can afford to. But what if you found out that he's been reading profusely since age seven? If you followed Mark Zuckerberg's facebook page last year, you would have seen his 30-book challenge ( https://www.facebook.com/ayearofbooks/); and   is there anyone around who doesn't know of Oprah's book-club? There's sufficient evidence amongst these highly successful people for us to conclude that this is not merely correlation.  

What's important, though, is that these intellectually elite have learnt that knowledge is not an end in itself. It's good to set ourselves reading goals, but even more important is the need to find ways of implementing the learning. Noted business philospher, Jim Rohn often said, "better than knowledge is applied knowledge." Change does not not happen with increased knowledge. Change happens when we begin to do the things we have been taught. We are often too content to pat ourselves on the back for achieving the lofty goals of 'hearing the word.'

It was Maya Angelou who said, "I did then what I knew how to do. Now I know better I do better." The fact is, knowing better... knowing more, and not acting in accordance with this new frame of reference renders us ineffective...on par with the man who never reads, even as we deceive ourselves of our superior standing. As we watch others around us with a lesser intellect and fewer resources make great strides toward their goals, the effect upon our psyche and sense of self is devastating. The truth is, we do ourselves greater harm by 'hearing the word,' acquiring the knowledge and taking no action towards applying that knowledge to our own life circumstances than not 'hearing' at all.

So what will it be? I'm not advocating that we stop 'hearing' the word. I'm suggesting that we find strategies to implement the learning...one discipline at a time. Don't read another book until you've made your mind up to practice what you learnt. Bridge the gap between learning and application, between who you are and who you want to become. A hundred books per year may be a feather in your cap, but implementing the lessons learnt may just be your ticket to the next level.

Discouraged by lack of Results?

There are few things as discouraging as working at something for days, weeks, months...years, even...and not see any results. Lack of results, failure to get traction, inability to get others to buy in to your dream, seemingly unanswered prayer....whatever 'lack of results'  looks like in your world....it's the reason so many people quit mid-stream. Over the years I've learnt that sometimes it shows up as rejection, sometimes as indifference, still other times as stagnation....but I've also learnt that if I pin my dreams to the 'evidence' of results then the likelihood of my succeeding is almost nil.

Let's be clear on this.....I'm not for one moment suggesting that early results are not important in keeping us motivated. That would be ideal. But the truth of the matter is....for most people who have succeeded at building a dream, early success was never a part of their story. I'm pretty sure I don't have to repeat the story of Thomas Edison and his ten thousand attempts at building the first commercially viable incandescent light bulb. I have before spoken of Malcolm Gladwell's ten thousand hour theory. The fact is, early success is not guaranteed.... so if we are enough fueled with a fire to get to our end-goals we must learn to look beyond the early results. We must keep momentum through our personal convictions, our passion, our craving for significance, our desire to make a difference in this world.

• Most people, as we go through life, pick up philosophies that drive us. We are called unawares to a field of study, a cause that benefits society, something bigger than ourselves. Often its our philosophies and convictions that lead us in this direction. We find, most often, that we are unable to act outside of these personal convictions. We find we do not lay down and die when these convictions are challenged. On the contrary, we remain unfazed. How important then, as we seek to find our life's work, that this work is aligned to our personal convictions and driving philosophies.
• The value of passion to keeping momentum has much been written about. But it cannot be overstated. So far as our passions align with our purpose we never have to worry about results. They will come. They are guaranteed. Our passion pushes us beyond a thousand 'NO!s', they keep us sufficiently interested to create the traction we seek. They close our ears to our detractors and distractions...even without effort. 
• Most normal human beings hunger for significance. Some never come to terms with it, but most of us long to make our mark on the world. If you desire more than anything to 'be somebody' to be written into the life-story of others, then your desire for significance will trump your lack of early results and you will keep pushing. Your motivation will be bigger than self.
• Truly, your desire to matter beyond self will manifest itself in a desire to make a difference in the world. Phenomenally successful people have come to the realization that the most fulfilling, satisfying version of success comes when we learn to get beyond the desire to simply make money. We must, instead, desire to solve problems that matter to others; we must long to add value to people, to corporations, communities, counties.

So, as hard as it is sometimes.....let's not remain hung up on our lack of results. Let's embrace this lack as a necessary part of the process....let's carry on despite our disappointments, keeping our minds on the big, bigger picture. Let's think of the compound effect. Let us not despise the small beginnings. instead, let's 'be faithful when the amounts are small.' Before too long, I'm sure, the results we seek will bear testimony to our effort. Shalom!