You are not an Imposter!

In an earlier post I wrote how paralyzed I am by the imposter syndrome. Well, not in so many words...but I did express how frustrated I am with always feeling like I don't belong at the table. That's the imposter syndrome for you. It has you expecting to be exposed 'any day now' for the imposter you are., expecting that people will soon find out that you're a hoax; that you are not as capable and competent as you have pretended that you are.

So when you find yourself in the boardroom, after pinching yourselves a thousand times, and behaving like the cat's got your tongue, it takes you a few sittings to a make meaningful contribution because all this time you've been listening to the voice in your head telling you you are an imposter.

Dont listen to it. You know you've worked hard to be where you are. You've come to see that the people in the corner office are no smarter than you are; You've come to recognize that you add value to the room. In your own unique way. You're of no less value or worth than those who have occupied those chairs for what seems like forever.

You are no imposter. You are more than qualified to be where you are. No need to 'bluff- your way ahead. Take up space. Occupy! You belong!

Just express, Don't try to impress!

The change in my approach to writing is indicative of the change in my approach to life in general. I remember when it took me hours, days even, to write something I felt was worthy of public consumption. I would write and erase, and write again and erase again. It never felt good enough. I oftentimes felt the quality of my writing left me exposed to the vagaries of criticism, the type I wasnt sure I was prepared to handle. Cknsequently, so much was left unwritten...effectively unsaid.

Today, I find I write an article or blogpost in minutes. I express myself with very little care as to whether it will impact someone in ways that tell a story of my ability to write or not. I simply express myself. With no intent to impress. It's far less pressure and far more effective.

This is my third blog post in under three hours. None of them is perfect. I'm sure there are typos and punctuation issues, maybe even grammatical errors. I've found that people dont care much. I've found I'm learning to care less. I'm not aiming at perfection. Right now I'm not even sure I'm aiming at excellence. My intention is to use every medium at my disposal (this included) to have my say; to put my voice in the room...in ways that are simple and relatable. That's it.

So, once again as I use this opportunity prove to myself that I CAN, I am grateful for this urge that tells me there is more to be done with this talent. I'm happy for this strong desire to bring it to reality. I'm happy that I'm not allowing my tendency towards perfectionism to hold me back. I'm grateful for the willingness to embrace vulnerability
 Man, how I have grown! Peace...

Reinvesting 'Much.'

"From everyone to whom much is given, much will be demanded." What does that'much' look like for you? Money, talents, resources, networks, opportunities? I'm sure the first thought of many people upon reading this question is, 'I don't have much.' I guess that's based o  how you define it. Truth is, whether thay 'much' looks like 10%, 30% or 100%, we all have an obligation not simply to take care of it, but to multiply it.


The obligation to increase what we are given is a burden that some of us carry around with us everyday. Happily it is a  burden we gladly bear. Money, talents, opportunities, resources, compassion, love and concern must all be increased with the objective of re-investment in the lives of others. It is a noble calling.


The interesting thing about the 'much' we are given is that it requires reinvestment for guaranteed returns. Interest will never grow on money that is hidden away at home. In the same way, that which we have at our disposal is guaranteed to grow only as we invest in the lives of others. Every talent, every resource, every opportunity we take advantage of, yields the best fruit as it used to create increase in others.

So what's in your hand? The truth is that every miracle of change starts with that little that we have at our disposal. No. I did not say that MUCH that we have at our disposal. Few if us have much to start with. But all of us have enough to invest into making 'much.'With an everyday investment if time little easily becomes much. Much re-invested into someone else's life has the potential to create exponential change.

What does it mean to BE AUTHENTIC anyway?

There has been a lot of talk in recent years about authenticity, standing in integrity and being who you truly are. The thought is indeed exciting and sits well with almost all of us....after all, who doesn't want to be in touch with their souls, to be true at their core, to dance to their own song? I dare so we all do....even those who are not courageous enough to actually do it. The urge is still present, the yearning is still real.

Yet, with all this, there are still those who struggle to find, to know, to understand who this 'true me' is. What does it mean to be your authentic self? When you are constantly faced with your flaws and imperfections, when you desire, aspire to change; when you long to be something (not necessarily someone) different....in that context... what does being authentic mean?
Is your authentic self the negative, toxic person that you are, or is it the friendly encouraging person you aspire, long to be?

When you aspire to take your thoughts and dreams, your life vision to the next level but you feel the constant pull and urgings of your former existence, which of these is real? What is an authentic response? Keeping in mind that your former place of existence - the way of being you want to leave behind - may not necessarily be a bad thing, how do you know that this is not who you truly are/were meant to be? When you stand in that bridge who exactly is the real you?

The question that weighs heavily on my mind sometimes is 'what defines something or someone as inauthentic? How does one know that he/she is standing in integrity? What are the signs and triggers? Are there any signs and triggers? One might say....

Lies, obviously
How about an unwillingness to be vulnerable?
Not being responsive to gut feelings?
Denying your personal ambitions?
Holding on to beliefs and dogma fed to you by others without having done your own assessment?
How about holding on to other people's 'truths'?
Feeling obligated to live up to the expectations of others?
A strong desire to deliver 'perfect' results all the time?
Not perceiving failure as the gift it is?
Having a strong need to impress others at the expense of your own happiness?

Is there even a universal definition of authenticity? And, if not, is it therefore not subject to individual definitions of truth?  We hear people say 'live your truth,' the implication being that being that for each of us to be authentic all of us must allow for the diversities which will show up amongst us.

I don't know where you are today in your search/struggle for authenticity. I know for sure, though, that it is a indeed a huge struggle to get from one place to the next, and to keep trying to show up as your true self. I know as well that it is worth every bit if the struggle. You may not like the person you see in the process of transition but I can almost guarantee that you will fall in  love with the girl/guy you meet on the other side.....and you'll know for sure when you get there... for it is that moment when you feel at peace at your very core!

I find there is much to be grateful for.....

Another birthday rolls around and I find that there is much to be grateful for. I know I have been divinely favoured especially in these very recent years. Sometimes I feel hand-picked "for such a time as this" and in these quiet moments of reflection that a birthday normally affords, I cannot help but feel overwhelmed with the awesome mantle I am called to bear. I am grateful everyday that our Creator sees in me that which I was unable to see for so long. I am eternally grateful for the grace He has afforded me over the years.

Birthdays  often bring us to a place of quiet reflection. We are forced to contend with thoughts of what we have achieved over the years...whether our accomplishments match our goals we set ourselves over the years....what if we had done that thing our heart longed/longs for....where might we have been had we been brave enough to take the risks that could have been life-changing. Yeah, birthdays have a way of doing that to you....if you are not careful where your thoughts take you.

But today as I contemplate the great 'what ifs' and 'whethers' of my own life, I am forced to shelf any lingering thoughts of underachievement and inadequacy. I am instead faced with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Yes......look how far I have come. Look what God has done....Look at what I have left behind....and I am reveling in the freedom that I am afforded to simply be....and become. I know that every tomorrow is divinely ordained. I know that every tomorrow will count for something...something bigger than me....I know the purpose to which I am called, I see the Plan into which I fit...I see my role and I gladly put on the mantle....I will create the change to which I am called.

So today...now....right in this moment of this 'next level' birthday. I pause....and I give thanks. For the blessings of this moment....for the hope of tomorrow....for the friends who have been with me on this journey...for the lives I have been able to impact so far and for those I will influence who I have not yet met. I am grateful for every lesson learnt on the journey so far and I look forward to the many lessons of the future. I listen to the age-old wisdom of men but I defer to the Wisdom of the Divine. I eagerly anticipate each new day, knowing that God is doing a new thing in me. I claim it even as I move into a new era of accomplishments with faith and humility.

Happy birthday to me. I immerse myself even now in an anticipation of the future. Forever in His debt.

I wanna just BE....if only for a moment

(Steven Furtick)

So it hasn't happened this year as it should have. My blogging has taken a nose-dive. Truthfully, the first half of this year has been far more busy than I anticipated. I've had more opportunities, new experiences, adventures, more exposure, travelled to new places than many do in a life-time. I've been blessed. Immensely. And I am truly grateful. But I have missed my 'get in touch with me' moments. I've missed putting my thoughts on paper and wondering at the beauty that lies  within.....that part of me that I don't get to see enough of.....that's mostly hidden from those who've only learnt to listen with their ears and see with their eyes.....I've missed me.

So today, just for me, I've decided to come away....to take a moment and just BE....BE still....BE present.....BE introspective, BE open, BE content....BE quiet. There is something to be said about just BE-ing, especially for someone like me who is so caught up with BECOMING. Now don't get me wrong, BECOMING will always be way higher on my score-card than simply BEING. BECOMING is an innate acknowledgement and acceptance that life is about constant growth. But there is a time and a place for everything. And today, right now for me, it's time for BEING.

There is value at the end of a day, - the end of a 'season' in one's life, the end of a phase, an era -  in just standing still and going with the flow....in letting life's waters flow over you...in ceasing the fight, the struggle, in letting go and letting God...especially when you feel like life's got the reigns and is pulling you along at a pace and in  direction you didn't plan on going. You're simply losing control. At those times simply letting go is good for your soul. It's good for your sanity, it's good for your overall well being. And then there are times when "burnout" is the order of the day, everyday. At these times you've got no choice but to just BE.

 Today as I find myself in that place of over-exertion, constant over-drive, over-do, and over-kill, I give myself permission to cease BECOMING for a while. To get off this treadmill I set myself. It's exciting and exhilerating most of the times. Especially because it's not the result of a corporate rat-race or an effort to out-do the Joneses. It's just me wanting to be better than I was yesterday....in every area of my life. But today, right now, I wanna just BE for a couple of days, weeks, months.....who knows? Get to know the me that I really am....to fall in love with this rarely revealed version of myself. To enjoy the stillness of inactivity.....to inhale the fragrance of silence.....to BE.....simply BE....if only for a moment.

What's Your Excuse?

What if I told you that starting this blog had nothing at all to do with an ability to write well? Yeah, I know I liked to put my feelings on paper and that I often enjoyed the way it turned out, but  I knew I didn't have what it takes to make waves. I just knew I was learning things I wanted to share and that I was/am too much of an introvert to do much more than archive these thoughts after I put them on paper. But I wanted to do it anyway. Sometimes we are pulled by forces greater than we have the wits to explain....paradoxically, sometimes we find that we are reluctant followers of the dreams that chase us. We, helplessly, follow blindly on.

You know your dreams and deep desires are bigger than you when they wake you up in the middle of the night, when you feel pregnant with an idea you are ready to birth, when anticipation brings you more joy than anything you've ever experienced, when your desire to create change exceeds your desire to 'be somebody'; when you find that you are no longer willing to allow yourself  an excuse for not showing up; but instead, like Erma Bombeck you find yourself saying, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would have not one single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me."  That's when you know you are living on purpose. That's when your 'why' makes your 'how' and 'what' inconsequential.

The point is, when you are pulled by your dream, you don't allow yourself to be constrained by a lack of know-how; neither are you concerned initially by how your efforts will manifest themselves. You don't wait for perfect external conditions. You take incremental steps toward impacting others, developing your talents along the way. You find a way to use every bit of your talents, you get creative: as we say in Jamaica 'yuh tun yuh hand mek fashin' (you fashion something with bare hands if you need to). 'Imperfect'  is good enough soil for planting the seeds of your vision.

So what's your excuse? What constrains you? What prevents you from answering what you know is a  calling upon your life? What stands in the way of your filling that space in the universe that you were created to fill....that you alone can fill?  It's time to harness the abilities and resources (however small you think they are) with which you have been gifted. It's time to give birth to the child of your dreams. The universe awaits!