How to Get the Attention of those that Matter

Some years ago, when I was as yet a new disciple to the concept of intentional living, I was intrigued by the words of Jim Rohn even as he rapidly became my mentor. The words "success is not something you pursue; it is something you attract." had me thinking.  I was intrigued for two reasons: Obviously the idea was profound at the time....different from the opinions I had formed about how people achieve success. But, more importantly, I was drawn by the thought of becoming so masterful at whatever I did, as to attract the kind of success I wanted.

But mastery is not something that comes upon us by happenstance. Malcolm Gladwell's ten thousand hours has been a lot spoken of. Hard work, focus and goal-setting are a given. I found that achieving more becomes an exercise in becoming more....more informed, more confident, more articulate, more  grateful, more accomplished, more open to the opinions of others, more willing to dare...and dare greatly. But I also found it was an exercise in becoming less....less fearful of failure, less concerned about things that once made you feel vulnerable, less willing to pass up growth opportunities...and it's easy to see that in situations like this, less is indeed more.

But I think the greatest benefit to me of this ideology that  significantly changed my approach to living is the fact that I never have to chase opportunities. I often sit in forums and read articles where writers and speakers admonish their audience to chase opportunities. I prefer the position taken by the immensely successful Richard Branson, said to have declared "opportunities are like the buses.....there's always another one coming."  The biggest issue on being able to seal the deal on an opportunity is being prepared to handle it. The only trouble is opportunities many times come knocking and find us woefully unfit/unprepared to answer the door. 

Being able to answer the door of opportunity is entirely up to us, It is truly a matter of deliberately making ourselves attractive to the prospective buyer. Sometimes that looks like developing particular skills; sometimes it looks like improving our attitudes, (tell me about it)... changing our philosophies, creating a network, exploring our passions, writing a book, starting a business. The point is, deliberately working to improve self is the bigger part of the equation. It's what guarantees that we not only net the opportunity, but that we keep it, guaranteeing repeat buyers of our services.

I'm not sure where you are in the experience of chasing your dream. Maybe you are at the point of frustration, maybe you've written more application letters than you want to remember....whatever project you are involved in right now, I invite you to pause a while and consider the words of the sage business philosopher, Jim Rohn, " success is not something we pursue; it's something we attract." 

Today as I contemplated the words of Brendon Burchard, author and performance coach, I knew I was/am in the right place. He said, 'do not seek to be the center of attention, In humility and service, you will draw the attention of those who matter" Indeed the formula for achieving more, attracting attention is, simply, becoming more. So today I encourage you....before you make a plan to pursue a dream....create a plan for becoming more....

"Be Somebody?"

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to 'be somebody.' The only problem was I didn't know that's what I wanted. I wasn't sure what that looked like, who or what exactly that 'somebody' was. I just knew there was this constant urgency, this need to do more than merely exist. But fear crippled me....and feelings of inadequacy slowly destroyed any vestige of pride and self-esteem that should have held sway in my life. I had every reason to be bold and confident. I was an intelligent, well respected woman with formidable talents and skills. I was ambitious and bright. I had everything going for me. If only I knew it.

Instead of the success and significance I craved, frustrations and anger manifested themselves. As I watched others around me succeed (or so it appeared) I grew increasingly discontent and hopeless. Anger was my constant companion. My attitude took a beating as did my career. People knew I had way-above-average potential but they also knew I had 'anger-issues', strong reserves of aggression, waiting to pounce at the next innocent 'contender.' Still, my desire to 'be somebody' persisted...persists. It's a yearning I have long lost control of. It consumes me. But I have grown wiser.

The years have taught me that more important than this all-consuming desire to 'be somebody' is the need to make my life matter. There's a difference. The need to make my life matter takes me outside the realm of my own dreams of self-importance and transports me to a place of service, of making a difference and creating change that makes an impact in somebody else's world.  It's about belonging to something that will continue way after I am gone...something bigger than I am; something that renders me significant in the lives of others.

And who knows, maybe someday this path will take me to the place that makes me into that 'somebody' I have longed to be. But it's not that important anymore. Oh, make no mistake about it...I am still consumed with the need to impact my world. I am still acutely aware that, like the butterfly cocooned in the caterpillar's chrysalis, I was born for something more than this.But now this yearning looks and feels different. I am still propelled by it. It still consumes me but today I look for opportunities to enlighten, empower and equip the people around me who need that kind of support. I plant a seed in the life of another person everyday. And I am grateful for the opportunity to impact my world...in big ways and small ways....and I'm not so angry anymore!

One Bite at a Time

There are times when everything around in the realm of your mind converges upon you to tell you "You can't." These are the times when doubt is your closest companion and fear weaves a debilitating web across your psyche; the times when the reality of your circumstances stamp "Impossible" in your pathway; when you lose momentum; when instead of encouraging you, friends become your biggest detractors; when cute memes and motivational quotes feel like ashes on your tongue. And worse than all that, often these are the times everything within you answers "I believe you!" "I just don't have what it takes." I know... I've been there. I feel like I am there now.

So I am not too sure I am qualified to tell you to get up and go. The best I can do is confess that this effort at writing, this effort to push through is my own 'pick-me-upper".....cause I know I don't want to the the one later on to wonder what might have been had I pushed through... and so I carry on...and I learn to savor the journey. I've learned that every day has its ups and downs and I become intentional about ensuring that at the end of each of those days I would have scored more on the up-side than I did on the down-side. I press on. I plant some seeds into each day, just because I have learnt that the quality of our harvest is directly related to how intentional we are about our planting. .  

Yes, I am learning to become more intentional about planting than I am about reaping. The truth is, most of us get caught up on the reaping side of things. We look for results; we become discouraged if we don't achieve the goals we set ourselves. In fact, precious little of us set ourselves any goals. Nonetheless we become obsessed with the end game. Very recently I read a quote from F. M. Alexander...."People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their future." Excellent lesson to learn. Our habits (our intentional efforts) create our results. The seeds we plant and nurture (good or bad) make us into who we are.

So quit listening to the voices in your head that tell you there's no point in carrying on. Just plant some seeds today. Write one paragraph today. Pour into one person's life today. Change one thing that you don't like about your attitude today; tell one person you love them today...and for each today that you meet, make it matter. Forget the big picture for a while. Take your mind off the things that aren't and focus on what is. Eat your elephant one bite at a time. Make your difference one life, one moment at a time. Don't give in now....there's just too much at stake. Stay blessed!

Stay in the Game!

Have you ever found yourself thinking about the size of the playing field you find yourself in, and the quality of the other players around you? At every turn there are experts and persons already established as MVPs.  There are champions and league leaders and people still very much at the height of their game. There are coaches and managers and other great players waiting their turn.  And as a rookie you find yourself wondering if you'll ever make the grade; if you will ever find a place to shine? It's a great, big intimidating world out there, and if you don't have great, big goals and a great, big heart to match you could easily get side-lined.

The truth is, everybody's got big dreams...or at least most of us do. Everybody wants to make it to the top of their career or find their mission in life; everybody wants something to turn to as the defining moment of their lives. Yes, everybody wants to make it big.... but you've got to hold your own. For sure, every human being has a right to dream their own dreams. Every human being was born with a mission to accomplish and never before have people been so attuned to accomplishing what is possible in their own lives. And that's good. The sad reality though is that while it is possible for us all to achieve some measure of success, not everyone will believe enough or desire enough to remain faithful when the rewards are small. Too many are all too ready to give in when the tide gets high, when the promised results are not immediately forthcoming. You've got to stay in the game.

You've got to learn to become comfortable, for the time being, as the one who passes the ball to the scorer. The one who plays the defensive line to support the ones at the front  of the game. As players in this game called life, we've got to learn to be ok to not be in the limelight; to use these long days of oblivion to sharpen our skills and deepen our interests; to become intentional about our growth; to set goals and create habits that make for success. We must learn to value the preparation time, for it is of infinitely more worth than the time of reward.

It is this time of apparent 'nothingness' that teaches us patience. It is this moment that refines our craft and make us tolerant of our own mistakes; it is this period of waiting that must be grasped as necessary in our experience and held with both hands. Yes, the playing field may be crowded, as yes, you may be that you've been in the wings for what seems like forever but be faithful to your own dreams and desires. But grow while you wait. Be intentional and spend the time perfecting your craft; work on you. Build the relationships you will need to support you when you get there, master the communication skills necessary to keep you there. Continue to play ball while no-one is watching. Stay n the game!

Passion is a secondary virtue!

Once, in the middle of a discussion with some entrepreneurs I was teaching, a participant asked me a question I had somehow never considered. "What if the thing you're passionate about you're just not good at?" she asked.  Hmmmmm. Strangely, the possibility of some-one not being good at something they're passionate about had never crossed my mind. But almost as soon as I started to think about it, my mind went back to an acquaintance of mine. For as long as I can remember, she had wanted to be nothing but a fashion designer....yet up to this day she stinks at it! And that's the honest to goodness truth.

I find I am slowly coming to see the danger of becoming lost in one's passion. Over the years I have been a firm believer in the philosophy that if we are led by our passions we are bound to meet upon success. And I am sure that that this been true for thousands of persons in the past. Yet there are those who wonder everyday at just what their passion is. These are the ones not obsessed with any particular desire, not 'held hostage' by a dream, the ones who feel no fire burning deep within, those who instead wake up everyday and live life as it comes. These helped me understand that while our passions may fuel our energies, understanding and leveraging our mission and purpose are far more fundamental to experiencing the abundant life.

Lately I have been thinking, too, of another danger that lay in teaching entrepreneurs to pursue their passions. Too often I have seen technically competent and skillfully gifted artisans, passionate about their craft, get so lost in pursuing their passion that the strategic skills necessary to assure business success never get pursued or developed, resulting in businesses going belly-up!. Unfortunately, while the entrepreneur relentlessly chases his passion inventing or improving a  product or service, this precious investment of time and resources does not yield the fruit he or she expects to reap. You see, the thing with using passion as your life's primary energy or force is that while it may make you happy it may not have the added satisfaction of being of benefit to others. That's when life really begins to expand. 

Are you surprised, therefore, that these days when I engage entrepreneurs I am not as quick to encourage them to chase their passions? Instead, I tell them to find a problem worth solving, a solution around which demand can be created....soothe an ache or, more importantly, kill a pain. Of course, it would be great if somewhere along the line the two meet and the entrepreneur finds that his passion is in fact that solution the market is asking for.That would be like hitting the entrepreneurial jackpot for sure. But all too often this is not the case and he/she finds that "never the twain shall meet." His passion brings him joy but adds no value to the market....no value to the lives of others. "Do what you love," they say, "and you'll never work a day in your life." That may be true. But I hope you're beginning to see the likely impact on your bottom line if there are not enough other people who love what you love.

 So what do you do with your passion in all of this? Pursue it! Cultivate it where it doesn't yet exist, but be sure to put it in perspective.  Understand that your passion may give you pleasure but it may not lead to success. Understand that your passion may cause you to focus only on YOU and therefore may not bring you the significance your heart craves. But for those of you who may still be wondering what your passion is,,,do not despair;  if no big dream wakes you up in the middle of the night, if your heart doesn't pound against your chest at the mention of a word....you are not alone. Become intentional, instead, about finding a problem to solve...one that will impact the lives of many; one that will make you simultaneously a servant and a leader. Understand that your passion is a secondary virtue....instead, know your mission and serve with purpose! In the words of the great business philosopher, Jim Rohn, "We all need to belong to something bigger than ourselves."

Discipline takes Time....Be gentle with yourself!

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments." Tell me about it! I have heard it said so many times it feels like a bell ringing in my ear. The truth about adages like these is that they work fine when they come easy. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was is to discipline myself long enough to see real and lasting change. Oh yeah, I've seen the fleeting results of a six-month weight loss programme, I have saved more in one year than I've saved in all my other years combined.....only to find myself back at the starting post...with no money in the bank and little or no disposable income. Oh believe me, I know first-hand the vicissitudes of attempting a life of discipline.

And what's even worse than watching yourself fail over and over again is what it does to your mental and emotional state. Each failure, if you're not careful, makes you less willing to attempt the next opportunity. Feelings of incompetence, inadequacy and insecurity become bed-fellows and instead of going after the growth that motivated your initial efforts, you begin to shun the discipline necessary to becoming more. I know. I have been there. Over and over again.

But I am learning how to get over the bridge. I've learnt how very important it is to give myself permission to fail...over and over again. I have learnt that great is still the enemy of good and that to strive for perfection is to set myself up for loss. And so I have determined that baby steps in the direction of my goals is way better than no steps at all. I have learnt how important it is to maintain focus in the face of distractions; that it may be necessary to take small breaks but always to return to base....to the task of working to make a difference in the lives of others, to finding my truth, to living authentically, to becoming all I was created to be...to living intentionally.

And so today my encouragement to you is chin up....if you've tried and failed over and again at losing weight, developing a reading discipline, drinking more water, eating more vegetables, studying more frequently, networking more...whatever it is...keep at it. All of today's experts were once in the place you find yourself today. Discipline, like success, does not happen over-night. You have probably been undisciplined all your life....change won't happen just cause you want it to. Habits and routines take time. Discipline will happen as you keep at it through all the twists and turns, ups and downs, wins and losses. Just be sure to never give in. To those truly invested in your personal growth I say, the road along that extra mile is never crowded....go the distance. Discipline will come. It's guaranteed!

Who are you, really?

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." So said the great philosopher Aristotle...and who am I to try to discount or discredit this sage of a man? But something a colleague of mine said in conversation recently got me thinking. "Never confuse who you are with what you do." Contradictory maybe but for me it was quite disarming. The fact is that, the things we repeatedly do, very often are determined by our circumstance, mandated by our superiors, expected by our peers or recommended by our 'role models.'

But what recently cemented the sentiment in my head was a conversation I had with a former class-mate of mine. We were attending a reunion of sorts and as we chatted I questioned his reserved, withdrawn attitude to the other attendees. Remembering how persistently rambunctious and outgoing he had been throughout our high school years, it was strange to see him assume this new demeanour. What he said to me was instructive..."Over the years, I have come to learn that I am an introvert. What you saw during those years was simply a herculean effort to fit in, to do what I thought would make be accepted. These days I am comfortable with who I am....a guy who would rather be by himself most days of the week." Telling....but what's important is that not only had I and everybody else believed what his actions told us he was, but he had believed it too. Lucky for him, in time, he found his authentic self and became comfortable with who he really is.

So......who are you, really? If you really are this girl who is comfortable behind the scenes, away from the limelight, then how do you explain this almost subconscious longing to be seen and heard? If you really are an introvert, why do you have this persistent, latent desire for a sense of belonging and companionship?  The truth is that many times the values we hold to are those that are imposed upon us, those that we have been told are more virtuous, those that make us feel superior, those that make the people around us happy. But what makes you happy? What ideas, values are all your own? To what drum does your heart respond? What will it take to make you pull the plug on wanting to please others?

The fact is, finding our true self is always the starting point of any journey to significance, any effort at living intentionally. Learning to live on purpose is about being honest with ourselves, walking away from everything that does not bring us into alignment with our reason for being....learning to shed the burden of other people's expectations and with every decision to be made, constantly asking ourselves "Is this who I am?" If the answer to that question brings dissonance and misalignment...then no....this isn't who you are. For who you are is always and only a synchronization with your higher purpose. Here's to finding your true self!