Lo Que Sera Sera?

The song made popular by Doris Day in the 1950s echoed then, as it does now, the sentiment of thousands, perhaps millions of people in the world today. "Whatever will be will be"...is an insidious mindset that robs many of the responsibility of taking charge of their destiny. It's an acceptance of the hand that life dealt us, with little or no will to fight. It's a belief that what is meant to be is in the hands of 'the gods' who decide and control our fate; our destinies are outside of our control.

It's one thing to have the fires of ones desire quenched by the vicissitudes of life. It's quite another to have never known what it might feel like to have those fires fanned into a burning passion. To live with a constant feeling that what one might become is completely outside of our control is merely to exist, merely to occupy a vast open space, reverberating with the echoes of your empty soul. The only legitimate way to live is to embrace ones role as captain of the ship of your life; to recognize that who and what you become is completely up to you.  

The personal development guru, the late Earl Nightingale once said, "All of us are self-made but only the rich are willing to admit it." Powerful statement. The harsh truth of the matter is that while we sit on our laurels waiting on 'the gods' to drop manna from heaven, we are becoming. Our destinies are being decided right in that space, in that time. We are becoming.....dependent, unprofitable underachievers. What we are now is the destiny we have created. What we will become is the destiny we decide on, the one we make with each choice. 

Think not for a moment that I discredit the power or importance of faith. Faith, for me, is always the precursor of anything worth having. It's important to wait in faith, but it is even more important to ACT in faith. If we are to be masters of our destinies, we must exercise the God-given gift of choice. We must weigh the consequences of these choices and move in the interest of who we want to become. We must be seekers, 'askers', 'knockers'. We must be willing to step out with eyes of faith and look beyond our current circumstances in order to create the destiny we want for ourselves.

Every day is a beautiful, gift-wrapped package and we get to open that package. All around us are the people and tools to help us mold this 'shapeless mass' of life that we've been given. We get to figure it out. We get to work with the Master Designer to craft the person we become. Let's call the philosophy of 'que sera sera' what it is......cheerful fatalism. A dream killer; a incinerator for ambition and potential; the insidious destroyer of independence and freedom. Let's kick this impostor out of our lives and instead  accept and embrace the chance to step into your possibilities and create the future you dream of!

I Crave Space

I crave space. That's how I've always been.  I don't readily let people into my personal, private space. It's a state of being I created in the subconscious. Sometimes I think it's the result of an abnormal shyness that's been with me since childhood, other times I think it has to do with the fear of failure I once had. Don't know why, but I have always been like that. Cerebral; over-thinking things. My thoughts get ahead of me. I often get so caught up with my thoughts I forget the people around me.I am not exactly sure of it's source but today I am a lot the same, still getting lost in my thoughts, still craving space, still building walls, and still suffering the consequences.

And those consequences have been many. Some I've overcome over the years; some linger. I'm still, in the main, a loner. I'm pretty awkward socially. I'm still not as confident as I one day hope to be (hence my love of the computer keyboard). Life has not been as much fun as it could have been. (I'm guessing that's why they call it 'painfully shy'). Yup, life has been a pain in the butt in many ways. But I'm learning.

Over the years I've learnt the value of relationships. I've learnt the necessity of leveraging them for personal and business success. For the entrepreneur it's social capital. The extent of the success achieved is largely tied up in that entrepreneur's ability to forge relationships that lead to long term friendships, and eventually to profits. For the average human being building relationships is the natural course of life. For most, it's what gives life real meaning. We've often heard it said that nobody on their death bed ever wishes they'd spent more time on the job or acquiring things. They only always wish they'd spent more time building relationships. It's something I think about a lot, but I find I'm better at building walls than I am at building relationships.

So then, because I am so inclined to wander off in my own world of contemplation and imagination I have had to become intentional about choosing to start that conversation that I dread, or getting up- front and personal with others.  I've had to endure small talk on my way to making conversation; and because I've learned that people interpret 'reserved' as 'anti-social' I've had to pull myself out of this self-imposed shell and slowly walk away from my 'introvert' comfort zone. I've had to embrace the habit of listening (far cry from reading) and empathizing openly. I've learnt to accept formal teaching and writing opportunities as a means of engaging others. And I've had to make my passion for growth talking points with others. Am I there yet? No I'm not. I still don't call my mother and sisters as often as I should, I still don't know how to work a room and I'll never be the life of the party. But I am well on my way to letting go of 'shy' and looking forward to craving company rather than space.

Retreat to Win!

We all need a place to run to. Far from the madding crowd. Far from the mayhem of the mundane, the chaos of the common, the dogma of popular opinion. A place where our hearts are authentic and true, where we are attuned to our purpose, our passions are fueled and our flames ignited, where dreams and visions are vivid and alive...where possibilities are endless.

Indeed it is important that we meet each day with resolve and purpose, for it is in each today that our tomorrows are decided. But there comes a time when our resolve must be to seek peace, to be at one with self, to shut out the influences that would pull us outside of who we are. And we find that our place of peace, our place of retreat is our place of power. Do not think for a moment that to retreat is to yield the battle to those who contend with us. To retreat is to be at one with self...to shut out the dissonance, to erase the desire to strive, to understand the power of attracting by becoming. For to retreat is to harness the power of becoming.

For some this retreat is a place - a literal week-end or holiday get-away. For others it's a diary....a private log, hidden from the scrutiny of judgment... for some its a book, a movie in which they imagine themselves the hero or heroine; still for others it's a person- a soul-mate who sees the sorrow behind their smile, feels the love that their anger veils, or understands the reason behind their silence. I don't know what it is for you.......may be meditation, personal devotion..... but what I do know is that we all need to be intentional about finding a place to run to....away from expectations and inhibitions and headlong into freedom and empowerment.

And let's be clear on this....I speak not of potentially addictive behaviours .....be they positive or negative. Neither do I speak of sojourns into self-pity. I speak of rest and refueling, of meditation and empowerment, of uplifting conversation and reflection, of self-examination and re-purposing. It's about giving yourself permission to meet life again at full force after each whirlwind experience, or powering up to face the approaching storm...and knowing that it's okay. It's part of your game-plan. It's your strategy for winning in your own race....

Change is up to You!

A thousand times you've wished things were different. I know. But I also know that even with the best intentions, wishing won't change anything. "Nothing will change until you change." That's the long and short of it. There was a time when I thought there was very little that I could do to change my circumstances....after all, I have no control over the seasons or the wind so the best I could do was curse at them. But then I learnt to read the seasons and how to turn the sails in the wind. I learnt that there are very few things in life that are pre-ordained; very few things over which we have no control. Everything else is a matter of choice, and I get to make that choice. I have the power. It was simply a matter of owning that - taking personal responsibility for creating change in my life.

But I've also learnt that it's easier said than done. I've learnt that the discipline required to create that change does not come by osmosis. I've learnt that desire (no matter how strong) is not enough to fuel that change. I've come to realize that motivation and inspiration die without constant attention. And, probably most importantly, the years have taught me that if your vision of the future is not big enough and compelling enough to provide the fire for today's engagement, change will always remain an elusive dream. Without a doubt, we must believe in the possibility, even likelihood of change. But patience must indeed be our first work, our quiet study, for without it very little can be achieved.

The truth is, there are too few of us who have accepted the mantle of personal responsibility for bringing about change in our own lives. Blaming the government, the school system, our employers become a convenient excuses. Being able to point that finger somehow absolves of us the responsibility, but more importantly it robs us of the opportunity to become the kind of person necessary to create a more meaningful existence....to become better, wiser, stronger. The people who have been successful at rising above their paltry existence are those who accept the challenge to get up off their laurels and meet life head on...despite the difficulties; those who have challenged themselves to grow; those who have been deliberate in choosing the philosophies on which to build their lives and have allowed those philosophies to fuel a positive attitude; those who have  set themselves goals and taken decided, deliberate action towards their achievement. Those are they who have evidenced change, seen the results and now live exceptional lives.

"If it's going to be, it's up to me," is as good a mantra to hold to now as any. Only you have the power to create the change that you want to see. And that change will never happen until you change.....your philosophies, your attitude, your activities (or lack thereof). We all have to own change. It's not up to the government, our parents, our children or our bosses. It's that next book you read. It's that next class you take. It's that fight you refrain from picking, it's your ego released into oblivion. It's recognizing that you have the power....and that claiming that power and experiencing the resulting change is entirely up to you.

Live on Purpose!

I made up my mind a few years ago to live on purpose. For me, that meant two things: 1) to harness the power of intentionality.... that is, make deliberate effort towards achieving desired goals and 2) to find my life's purpose and live it. I have not, for one moment, regretted that decision. But as you would imagine the choice did not come without its costs - opportunity costs as well as economic costs. And there have been times when I have wished my circumstances were different, but if truth be told if I had my life to live over again I would still choose to walk the road I now walk, to bear the pain on the way to the gain...to endure what sometimes feels like indignity on the alter of vulnerability...but hey, I've come to see it's all a part of the process, and I'm owning it.

 Living on purpose is about discovering and re-discovering day by day the value you were created to add; the difference you make, as only you can.....and making that difference day by day. It's not about being exceptional...too many people make that mistake and hold back on their contribution to life simply because they look in the mirror and see 'ordinary' staring back at them. Welcome to the club. Ordinary is what most of us are. Extra-ordinary has not been bestowed on too many of us. And let's get this straight: those who do eventually get to extra-ordinary usually start right where you are. So there's not telling how things will go...you just need to be willing to start at ordinary.

I have long given up on the idea of trying to help people find what their purpose is. I don't know that I can ever do that. I've heard it said, you've found your purpose when you've found something to do that you could easily get lost in, something you never get tired of, something you do that you always get complimented on.  Friend, I don't know that there is a formula for helping you find it, or what that formula is, if it exists...but I know that you can make up your mind to add value to room, a situation, to create improvement, bring about increase....to pour into the lives of others, and to be able to do so without a desire for personal gain being foremost in your mind....and that would be enough. It would be enough that. It would be enough that you used your talents and gifts, your personal interests and invested your time in the pursuit of your own growth, and that your growth redounded to the benefit of others...

Living on purpose is never about making an impression. It's always only about making a difference...It's about making up your mind to find a worthy object of your attention. It may be a person, an environmental issue...a cause bigger than yourself.....and pouring out yourself ..over and over again. There's nothing quite like it. Live on purpose!

I love Words...

I find I am fascinated by words.  By what is said, by the way they are said, by the way they make you think and feel, by the the way certain combinations resonate and leave impressions on your soul that nothing else has the power to. Whoever said 'a picture is worth a thousand words' never really understood the potency of words. Have you ever wondered, for example, why the book is always better than the movie? I love words like some people love music. For me, music is simply poetry in motion; the cinema or theatre a chance for words to take center-stage, right where they belong.  Maybe that's why I have always hated small talk. It's a tragic waste of words.

And some people have a way with them. They know how to make words dance across a page, to create a symphony of sounds, to bring to bear the creativity of the imagination. To motivate. To inspire. Words have longevity. They stand the test of time. Things said eons ago remain in the back of our minds, securely stored in the crevices of our hearts becoming the driving force of our lives, the source of our power, the purpose of our existence. Words uttered by obscure human beings, once in the darkness of oblivion, have propelled them to the forefront of movements today that are larger than the lives they ever dared to imagine for themselves. I think often of the words of Abraham Lincoln's mother as she is said to have uttered on her death bed..."Be somebody, Abe. Be somebody." One life so inspired, went on to inspire a nation. Oh, the power of words to inspire, to regenerate, to create.

Today we have millions of words bundled into quotable quotes that continue to inspire millions of people to action. Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech brings into sharp focus the plausibility and possibility of a mere trifling notion. Philosophies expressed thousands of years ago by men of varying literary abilities still cause us to reflect deeply upon the issues of life, to pause to ponder the substantive, to consider their life-changing and life-giving nature. Fortunately for us, words never got in the way of these men saying what needed to be said.

 But think not for a moment that I contemplate the matter of the power of words merely as a one-sided affair. For whether we accept this as truth or not, in the same way that words have the power to create and re-create they have the power to demotivate, to hurt, to destroy to kill. Many a dream has died at the tip of a naysayer's tongue. Many relationships have ended because of words laid carelessly on the altar of unrequited love. Recognizing, therefore, the power of words to inspire or demotivate, to create or kill, I choose life. I choose everyday, deliberately, to read words that are life-giving, to listen to words that inspire me to greatness....to aspire, to learn to speak words that have the power to call out the best in others and inspire those in my sphere of influence to speak and write and live like the existence and prosperity of future generations depend on it. I choose life!    

It's not the harvest, but the seeds that matter...

In our quest for personal growth it is easy to become distracted and discouraged when we look back over the years and try to trace our results. Unkept resolutions, unmet targets, unfulfilled goals can have a daunting effect on your desire to keep making the effort. Failures, of whatever magnitude, overtake the psyche and manifest in a reduced estimate of our value. The fact is, the reason we work so hard is so that we can generate the results we seek - family vacations, a new home, a larger customer base or greater market share. Nothing motivates us more than what we'll get at the end of process. We envisage, we engage, we produce for the sole purpose of reaping the harvest that comes at the end of our labours. But the harsh reality is that nobody guarantees us the results we look for.

Oh don't get me wrong....the old adage "as a man sows, so shall he reap" still holds true. No-one would readily deny that that the quality of our harvest is directly linked to the quality and quanitiy of the seed. And to take it even further, life has taught me that indeed very often we reap more than we sow......be that good or evil. No doubt, we "sow to the wind and reap a whirlwind." But there are times when the seeds we sow fall by the way-side or on fallow ground; You may plant and neglect to tend........ There's no telling just how many ways the harvest can be affected. It's a truth we must all prepare for and learn to live with.

And so, though I have come to realize that the results I produce are crucial to my material and emotional well-being, I have also learned that though we may work to change the seed, the soil and the sower (ourselves) to improve our chances of success, there are many times when the results we seek are outside of our control. And in those instances I resort to the wisdom of the nineteenth century author and poet, Robert, Louis Stephenson, "Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant." Talk about saving me some anxiety!! What better formula is there for taking life's anxieties down a notch and being gentle with yourself?

And so, for me,  each day now now is not so much about taking inventory of the harvest. It's not so much about the things I gained.....how many points I scored, how many targets met or goals achieved. These days it's much more about the seeds I planted....the relationships I invested in, the effort I made to ignite hope in someone else's heart, the faith I engendered in a dispairing friend, the money I saved or gave away....Yes, it may seem counter-intuitive (aren't most of life's deepest truths, anyway?), but you will find that the best measure of your day's productivity is not the size of the harvest but the seeds you sow. Remember, the harvest is not guaranteed. It behooves us, therefore, to focus our attention on the seed - its quality, the way we scatter them and the timing of our planting.