The Path Will not Always be Clear

I have always been quietly competitive. Seems a contradiction but it's been my reality so I know. Many times I'd rather be seen and not heard, but I have never not wanted to do my best. Oh, yes, at times I have not cared as much as I could have, or should have, but for the most part I have really pushed myself to be the best that I can be. I guess subconsciously I realized early on that life was not meant to be lived without effort....that very little that is attained without effort is ever worth it. I knew that to merely go through the motions of every-day life was to invite and embrace mediocrity, yet as quiet and reserved as I have tended to be, I have never wanted to be mediocre.

Strangely, I have not always known what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be or where I wanted to go. I just knew that it was not acceptable to be stagnant. At times I have felt like my life was a whirlwind (yeah I have known what it is to feel like a dog chasing its tail), going where I was unsure of, and many times kinda out of my control. It made me uncomfortable for a while. I wanted to be in control, to know where the paths would take me, to mark the milestones along the way....to be able to tell someone the exact distance and time between landmarks. But I soon found out that the path is not always clear; that the 'obvious' way is not necessarily the best way and that the shortest distance between two points is not always that straight road. Many times, indeed, you'll feel like you're spinning on your heels. And maybe you will be. But know this, you will find later on that your spinning spirals...leading you to a higher place....a place of self discovery, personal development and opportunities you only dared dream of.

 There are precious few who can honestly tell you that the paths they initially chose are the ones they ended up walking. There are even less who can say that the path has been straight or clear. They have had detours, their journey has been obscured by the fog of huge disappointments and monumental setbacks, Many times they have disembarked, or for those who stayed on board, felt surrounded by a sea of sharks. But always they kept in the back of their heads that to cease movement is to accept the robe of 'normal'or  'average'. And normal is very rarely a feature of the lives of the purposeful or successful among us.

So move ahead. Get involved. Do something to change your circumstance. Do not be content to take life as it comes at you. Make your mark, Make your change, even if you do not know where the paths will take you. Do not be content to stay where you are. Move confidently ahead, knowing full well that however many times the road turns, the experiences gained on the way to fulfilling your dreams, on this path of self-discovery, will redound to the benefit of something bigger than your self. Keep moving!

Give yourself permission to fail....over and over again

Recently, as I stood before a group of budding entrepreneurs, we spoke of the high incidences of small business failure the world over. As the conversation progressed and I tried to 'put failure into perspective,' one bright young man asked of me....'so when then, does an entrepreneur back away? When does he say to himself that this business concept is just not gonna work? If failure is a part of the process, when is failure too much?  Without skipping a beat, and though I had never given formal thought to the question, I heard myself say, "when the fire inside him dies; when he no longer has a passion for what he's doing - then, and only then, should he walk away....for if he dares to persevere, if he soldiers on he is guaranteed success."

In our pursuit of our goals, be they ordinary or lofty, we must learn to give ourselves permission to fail...many times over. We must consider the potential pitfalls and take stock of the realities that are likely to result in failure along the way. We need to be fully cognizant that we may be required to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and start afresh. And that's okay. Let us remember this truth as well: society will never give us permission to do anything but to follow its norms and values. It will never embrace our failures. It may never provide us the environment in which to grow, but grow we must. And since failure is a necessary ingredient for growth, let's make up our minds to fail forward.

And so, let's not await the approval of others as we seek to move beyond the realms of mediocrity. Neither let us be intimidated by the likely magnitude or frequency of failure. Its lessons  have always been more instructive than the lessons of success. The pain of loss, the agony of defeat,  often become a poignant reminder and a strong impetus for action. For many people, the things they have failed miserably at in life have become the mileposts, the platform from which they afterwards launch massive success. Let us not choose to be constrained by other peoples opinions, their fears, their small-mindedness. Let us instead move forward knowing full well that failure lurks in the by-ways. But having full confidence that each failure marks an attempt, and each attempt says we are moving forward towards our desired goals.

With deliberate intent, approach each day with boldness. Walk bravely towards the fulfillment of your dreams, all the time giving yourself permission to do it as many times as necessary to get it right. Remember that no matter what conventional wisdom says...in spite of societal dicates, "failure is always an option."

Lo Que Sera Sera?

The song made popular by Doris Day in the 1950s echoed then, as it does now, the sentiment of thousands, perhaps millions of people in the world today. "Whatever will be will be"...is an insidious mindset that robs many of the responsibility of taking charge of their destiny. It's an acceptance of the hand that life dealt us, with little or no will to fight. It's a belief that what is meant to be is in the hands of 'the gods' who decide and control our fate; our destinies are outside of our control.

It's one thing to have the fires of ones desire quenched by the vicissitudes of life. It's quite another to have never known what it might feel like to have those fires fanned into a burning passion. To live with a constant feeling that what one might become is completely outside of our control is merely to exist, merely to occupy a vast open space, reverberating with the echoes of your empty soul. The only legitimate way to live is to embrace ones role as captain of the ship of your life; to recognize that who and what you become is completely up to you.  

The personal development guru, the late Earl Nightingale once said, "All of us are self-made but only the rich are willing to admit it." Powerful statement. The harsh truth of the matter is that while we sit on our laurels waiting on 'the gods' to drop manna from heaven, we are becoming. Our destinies are being decided right in that space, in that time. We are becoming.....dependent, unprofitable underachievers. What we are now is the destiny we have created. What we will become is the destiny we decide on, the one we make with each choice. 

Think not for a moment that I discredit the power or importance of faith. Faith, for me, is always the precursor of anything worth having. It's important to wait in faith, but it is even more important to ACT in faith. If we are to be masters of our destinies, we must exercise the God-given gift of choice. We must weigh the consequences of these choices and move in the interest of who we want to become. We must be seekers, 'askers', 'knockers'. We must be willing to step out with eyes of faith and look beyond our current circumstances in order to create the destiny we want for ourselves.

Every day is a beautiful, gift-wrapped package and we get to open that package. All around us are the people and tools to help us mold this 'shapeless mass' of life that we've been given. We get to figure it out. We get to work with the Master Designer to craft the person we become. Let's call the philosophy of 'que sera sera' what it is......cheerful fatalism. A dream killer; a incinerator for ambition and potential; the insidious destroyer of independence and freedom. Let's kick this impostor out of our lives and instead  accept and embrace the chance to step into your possibilities and create the future you dream of!

I Crave Space

I crave space. That's how I've always been.  I don't readily let people into my personal, private space. It's a state of being I created in the subconscious. Sometimes I think it's the result of an abnormal shyness that's been with me since childhood, other times I think it has to do with the fear of failure I once had. Don't know why, but I have always been like that. Cerebral; over-thinking things. My thoughts get ahead of me. I often get so caught up with my thoughts I forget the people around me.I am not exactly sure of it's source but today I am a lot the same, still getting lost in my thoughts, still craving space, still building walls, and still suffering the consequences.

And those consequences have been many. Some I've overcome over the years; some linger. I'm still, in the main, a loner. I'm pretty awkward socially. I'm still not as confident as I one day hope to be (hence my love of the computer keyboard). Life has not been as much fun as it could have been. (I'm guessing that's why they call it 'painfully shy'). Yup, life has been a pain in the butt in many ways. But I'm learning.

Over the years I've learnt the value of relationships. I've learnt the necessity of leveraging them for personal and business success. For the entrepreneur it's social capital. The extent of the success achieved is largely tied up in that entrepreneur's ability to forge relationships that lead to long term friendships, and eventually to profits. For the average human being building relationships is the natural course of life. For most, it's what gives life real meaning. We've often heard it said that nobody on their death bed ever wishes they'd spent more time on the job or acquiring things. They only always wish they'd spent more time building relationships. It's something I think about a lot, but I find I'm better at building walls than I am at building relationships.

So then, because I am so inclined to wander off in my own world of contemplation and imagination I have had to become intentional about choosing to start that conversation that I dread, or getting up- front and personal with others.  I've had to endure small talk on my way to making conversation; and because I've learned that people interpret 'reserved' as 'anti-social' I've had to pull myself out of this self-imposed shell and slowly walk away from my 'introvert' comfort zone. I've had to embrace the habit of listening (far cry from reading) and empathizing openly. I've learnt to accept formal teaching and writing opportunities as a means of engaging others. And I've had to make my passion for growth talking points with others. Am I there yet? No I'm not. I still don't call my mother and sisters as often as I should, I still don't know how to work a room and I'll never be the life of the party. But I am well on my way to letting go of 'shy' and looking forward to craving company rather than space.

Retreat to Win!

We all need a place to run to. Far from the madding crowd. Far from the mayhem of the mundane, the chaos of the common, the dogma of popular opinion. A place where our hearts are authentic and true, where we are attuned to our purpose, our passions are fueled and our flames ignited, where dreams and visions are vivid and alive...where possibilities are endless.

Indeed it is important that we meet each day with resolve and purpose, for it is in each today that our tomorrows are decided. But there comes a time when our resolve must be to seek peace, to be at one with self, to shut out the influences that would pull us outside of who we are. And we find that our place of peace, our place of retreat is our place of power. Do not think for a moment that to retreat is to yield the battle to those who contend with us. To retreat is to be at one with self...to shut out the dissonance, to erase the desire to strive, to understand the power of attracting by becoming. For to retreat is to harness the power of becoming.

For some this retreat is a place - a literal week-end or holiday get-away. For others it's a diary....a private log, hidden from the scrutiny of judgment... for some its a book, a movie in which they imagine themselves the hero or heroine; still for others it's a person- a soul-mate who sees the sorrow behind their smile, feels the love that their anger veils, or understands the reason behind their silence. I don't know what it is for you.......may be meditation, personal devotion..... but what I do know is that we all need to be intentional about finding a place to run to....away from expectations and inhibitions and headlong into freedom and empowerment.

And let's be clear on this....I speak not of potentially addictive behaviours .....be they positive or negative. Neither do I speak of sojourns into self-pity. I speak of rest and refueling, of meditation and empowerment, of uplifting conversation and reflection, of self-examination and re-purposing. It's about giving yourself permission to meet life again at full force after each whirlwind experience, or powering up to face the approaching storm...and knowing that it's okay. It's part of your game-plan. It's your strategy for winning in your own race....

Change is up to You!

A thousand times you've wished things were different. I know. But I also know that even with the best intentions, wishing won't change anything. "Nothing will change until you change." That's the long and short of it. There was a time when I thought there was very little that I could do to change my circumstances....after all, I have no control over the seasons or the wind so the best I could do was curse at them. But then I learnt to read the seasons and how to turn the sails in the wind. I learnt that there are very few things in life that are pre-ordained; very few things over which we have no control. Everything else is a matter of choice, and I get to make that choice. I have the power. It was simply a matter of owning that - taking personal responsibility for creating change in my life.

But I've also learnt that it's easier said than done. I've learnt that the discipline required to create that change does not come by osmosis. I've learnt that desire (no matter how strong) is not enough to fuel that change. I've come to realize that motivation and inspiration die without constant attention. And, probably most importantly, the years have taught me that if your vision of the future is not big enough and compelling enough to provide the fire for today's engagement, change will always remain an elusive dream. Without a doubt, we must believe in the possibility, even likelihood of change. But patience must indeed be our first work, our quiet study, for without it very little can be achieved.

The truth is, there are too few of us who have accepted the mantle of personal responsibility for bringing about change in our own lives. Blaming the government, the school system, our employers become a convenient excuses. Being able to point that finger somehow absolves of us the responsibility, but more importantly it robs us of the opportunity to become the kind of person necessary to create a more meaningful existence....to become better, wiser, stronger. The people who have been successful at rising above their paltry existence are those who accept the challenge to get up off their laurels and meet life head on...despite the difficulties; those who have challenged themselves to grow; those who have been deliberate in choosing the philosophies on which to build their lives and have allowed those philosophies to fuel a positive attitude; those who have  set themselves goals and taken decided, deliberate action towards their achievement. Those are they who have evidenced change, seen the results and now live exceptional lives.

"If it's going to be, it's up to me," is as good a mantra to hold to now as any. Only you have the power to create the change that you want to see. And that change will never happen until you change.....your philosophies, your attitude, your activities (or lack thereof). We all have to own change. It's not up to the government, our parents, our children or our bosses. It's that next book you read. It's that next class you take. It's that fight you refrain from picking, it's your ego released into oblivion. It's recognizing that you have the power....and that claiming that power and experiencing the resulting change is entirely up to you.

Live on Purpose!

I made up my mind a few years ago to live on purpose. For me, that meant two things: 1) to harness the power of intentionality.... that is, make deliberate effort towards achieving desired goals and 2) to find my life's purpose and live it. I have not, for one moment, regretted that decision. But as you would imagine the choice did not come without its costs - opportunity costs as well as economic costs. And there have been times when I have wished my circumstances were different, but if truth be told if I had my life to live over again I would still choose to walk the road I now walk, to bear the pain on the way to the gain...to endure what sometimes feels like indignity on the alter of vulnerability...but hey, I've come to see it's all a part of the process, and I'm owning it.

 Living on purpose is about discovering and re-discovering day by day the value you were created to add; the difference you make, as only you can.....and making that difference day by day. It's not about being exceptional...too many people make that mistake and hold back on their contribution to life simply because they look in the mirror and see 'ordinary' staring back at them. Welcome to the club. Ordinary is what most of us are. Extra-ordinary has not been bestowed on too many of us. And let's get this straight: those who do eventually get to extra-ordinary usually start right where you are. So there's not telling how things will go...you just need to be willing to start at ordinary.

I have long given up on the idea of trying to help people find what their purpose is. I don't know that I can ever do that. I've heard it said, you've found your purpose when you've found something to do that you could easily get lost in, something you never get tired of, something you do that you always get complimented on.  Friend, I don't know that there is a formula for helping you find it, or what that formula is, if it exists...but I know that you can make up your mind to add value to room, a situation, to create improvement, bring about increase....to pour into the lives of others, and to be able to do so without a desire for personal gain being foremost in your mind....and that would be enough. It would be enough that. It would be enough that you used your talents and gifts, your personal interests and invested your time in the pursuit of your own growth, and that your growth redounded to the benefit of others...

Living on purpose is never about making an impression. It's always only about making a difference...It's about making up your mind to find a worthy object of your attention. It may be a person, an environmental issue...a cause bigger than yourself.....and pouring out yourself ..over and over again. There's nothing quite like it. Live on purpose!