"Purchase Bewilderment"

In this age of extreme self-awareness and conscientious living – when people are striving to be intentional about their decisions and actions, there is a curious lack of a pulse, a disconcerting absence of a sense of wonder that leads me to ponder the words of the poet Rumi, “sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” Sage advice if you ask me, but one hardly likely to be taken seriously in this so-called era of enlightenment.

As a people we have taught ourselves to see yet not feel, to look yet not discern. It’s been all head and very little heart. Who knows, maybe that’s a strategy that serves its purpose well. I believe it insulates us. The busy-ness, the sleeplessness, the rush to achieve has caused us not to be awed by the beauty all around and to not take hold of the sense of wonder that is so available to us.

But were we to sell our cleverness and purchase bewilderment, how awed we would be by our babies’ first steps, the innocence of childhood, the eloquence in silence, the miraculous mundane,  the potent words of a song that speak hope to our souls. How awed might we be by the light of someone else’s wisdom; how connected we could feel to humanity. We have chosen instead a cloak of cleverness and enlightenment, unwilling to be exposed to the vulnerability of ignorance or dependence. We have become adept at building walls of control and power. “I’ve got this” is the natural consequence of our ‘can do’ attitude.

But beauty and awe, wonder and bewilderment are all around us. It is the joy of family chatter around the dinner table; it’s the feel of your own heart, with hand pressed firmly against your chest. It is the tear that you allow yourself to shed as you learn to let life in; it’s the doting of your little girl. It’s insight. It’s emotional intelligence.

So much has been lost on us because of our lack of this sense of wonder. To our own detriment, we have called everything common. From this point on, why not let’s get deliberate about purchasing bewilderment? Let’s practice to feel even as we see. As we acquire knowledge, let’s seek understanding too.  Let’s apply a keen sense of discernment, let’s 'take a trip inside our minds to find wonders we can't define,' let's pursue, at risk of losing the facade of our emotional security, life's all important “ah-ha moments”. It'll be well worth it.

What do I do in the meantime?

This is a question I find I have been turning over and over in my mind in recent times. The period of waiting – that time between where you are now and where want to be- can be hard. Whether it be a long-term life improvement process or short-term waiting for a change in our circumstances, it’s no different. Be it the empty womb of a woman waiting through years of barrenness and harsh seasons of emotional drought, an ill-at-ease mom sitting in the waiting room of a hospital theatre, or simply an unemployed person yearning for the words ‘you’ve got the job’ the period of waiting can be lonely and desperate. Yes, that ‘in the meantime’ has the power to make or break you.

Yet it is at this time that we have to most vigilantly guard our attitudes. Worry and anxiety have a way of deteriorating into self-pity and bitterness. The very potent nature of our concerns, the immediacy of our needs will tend, if we are not careful, toward us becoming victims of our circumstance. Resentment, anger and envy very often attend this period, as time unbearably appears to stretch into eternity. It is a time when we must ensure that our vision of the future is so clear that we are able to borrow from its inspiration. The more clearly we are able to see the future and sense its promise, the more likely we are to overcome the challenge of the ‘meantime’.

Attitude is everything. Whether we are aware of it or not, our attitudes eventually determine the extent of the vision that is actually realized. And the fact is, that no-one can control our attitudes except us. We get to decide what happens on the other side of the ‘meantime.’ We have the choice of coming through unscathed or, on the other hand, falling prey to the dangers of a volatile attitude.

But how do we guard against those feelings and actions that have the potential to drag us down the wrong path? While we wait, we must learn to pull on the positive personal philosophies that have kept us grounded in the past. We must get deliberate about reminding ourselves of what is good and right in the present moment. We must teach ourselves to ‘think summer all winter;’ we teach ourselves to be grateful in all things; we "lift our eyes unto the hills from whence cometh our help"; we remind ourselves that ‘This, too, shall pass;” we make conscientious effort to create change…doing all that is in our power to do....and then we extend our faith beyond ourselves.... and trust, knowing that we will get safely to the other side.