Let Life In

There are times when you read or hear something and it resonates with you. And if you stop to consider at the reason, more often than not you will find that it resonates either because it marks your experience or that it represents a deep (and often previously unrecognized) longing. That's how I felt when I first read Jim Rohn's words..."The walls we build around ourselves to keep sadness out, also keep out the joy." For the first time I admitted to myself that I have spent the last several years carefully erecting a giant stone monument around myself. Hurt and resentment had marked my experience and I had 'successfully' closed myself in. 

Whether consciously or subconsciously I had built a fortress of control, independence, individuality...all bolstered by a modest level of achievement of which I was understandably proud - after all, they were but just rewards for my struggles. But if I'm to be true to myself achievement came at great cost, not mere financial cost, but far more importantly, at great emotional cost. I had come to the place where the major source of happiness was achievement - and today I still have the residual effect. But I am not alone, and I have found that people put walls around themselves for various reasons....to keep out the hurt and pain of the past, to protect a heart previously broken, to prevent the recurrence of poor life choices....our walls are shields to protect our vulnerable hearts - a safe place to hide, a closet where we can hunker down and close the door on our skeletons.

But lately I have been giving more attention and credence to some even more potent words of Jim's....."Let life in. Let it touch you. Let sad things make you sad, and happy things make you happy. Our emotions need to be as educated as our intellect." Wow! That's profound. What an invitation to vulnerability! What if I became more open to deconstructing those walls? What if I were more willing to take a chance on life, a chance on deep and heart-moving friendships? What if I were willing to risk loss and hurt......and just feel life, like a soft wind, taking it all in? Or to be present in every turbulent moment, to experience the highs and lows of human emotion...to be ridiculed yet comfortable, to be judged and not feel a need to be vindicated...to feel fear yet square my shoulders and go forward anyway.....What if I could exit my doors without the tortoise-shell of my over-protected emotions? What if I did not feel a need to pull my little tortoise head in at every sound of threat to my safe place of control and independence?

 No....there's no adrenalin rush at the thought of all this.....instead deep curiosity, steeped in fear. But also an admission that so much has been lost behind those walls over the years. A quiet mental recording of the missed advantage of vulnerability....of allowing my emotions to be fully educated by the lessons of life. And yes, a growing willingness to let life in...to be willing to step into the arena of life without the facade of impenetrability...to let go of the ego and bare my soul to those worthy of the experience....to live in the moment...if just for a moment...to let life in!

When it Matters to You....

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One of the first things we teach aspiring entrepreneurs is the necessity of assessing the market demand for a product or service prior to making financial, time or emotional investments in it. A worthwhile business opportunity exists, we say, when an innovative idea is backed by potential customers' willingness to pay. In this scenario, your personal love affair with your business idea is of little importance, at least in the short run. If you are interested in hitting the ground running, making quick money and exiting the stage, it comes down simply to the target market's response. Here it's all about satisfying the desires of the client. That's the long and short of it.

If, however, your desire is to build lasting success - whether in business, career, personal affairs or relationships - this is where it must matter to YOU. It's not about satisfying clients or pleasing onlookers. It has to have personal meaning and significance. At this point the influence of friends, relatives - and especially naysayers should not bear as heavily on your decision to continue as should your own interest, your own passion, your own need to be driven by your dream.

When it matters enough to you, you will be strong enough to close your ears to discouragement and open your eyes to possibilities. When an activity has meaning to you....when the cause has its own appeal, when it ignites a passion, failure is always an option. In fact, failure becomes a necessary rung in the ladder of success. When your efforts are not rewarded with accolades and cheers, the only thing that will take you to the finish line is that the cause or activity you are pursuing means the world to you. When it matters to you, you'll be able to visualize tomorrow's success today, and it is that vision of your tomorrows that will take you through the sham and drudgery of today's realities. The truth is..when it doesn't matter to you, getting out of bed in the mornings is far less appealing than pulling the sheets up over your head at the sound of the alarm; your job is a task, and your boss a harsh, exacting creditor. When it doesn't matter to you the cause has no charisma and the likelihood of your making a difference in your world is as remote as a snowball surviving the onset of spring.

What's important too, is that you are unlikely to successfully force a match. Something either matters or it doesn't. As I think about it now, I guess it's a lot like love.....you either do or you don't. And who's to say who or what we love?  What holds meaning for you might appear foolish or simplistic to someone else looking on. What matters to you now, may not matter to you a few years down the road. After all, who guarantees a life-long love affair? And who is to say there can't be more than one thing/cause/activity that holds deep meaning to you? When it comes to finding meaning, monogamous relationships are over-rated.  So go ahead, allow your own deep-rooted desires to lead you to a place of meaning...to something that matters..They say, "we lose ourselves in the things we love".....but more importantly, "we find ourselves there too."

Relish the Journey into Self-Discovery

"Like wolves who leave the pack, we risk danger, loss, and solitude--the price often paid by those with a passion for discovery. And however the moments may feel, the journey is well worth it." Often that journey is one into self-discovery, and time and experience have taught me that that journey is always worth the risk of 'danger, loss or solitude.'

There are few things as crucial to operating from a place of meaning, fulfillment and authenticity as taking that journey into self discovery. It's about finding out who you really are amidst the fray of voices competing for your attention and affection. It's about wading through the years of intellectual fodder that you have been fed, the religious dogmas, the restraints and constraints that have been artificially imposed upon your psyche, restricting your actions and in many cases depleting your happiness. Til after years of semi-conscious exposure to the emotional and mental elements, you wake up to the reverberating question "Who am I?" And almost in resentment, you are seized with a fierce desire to discover your own interpretation of truth, to draw your own conclusions, to make your own mistakes and learn from them, to be awed by your own internal and external beauty, to be overwhelmed with the depth of your own personhood. 

But if truth be told the journey into self discovery is not without its dangers and pitfalls. Indeed we risk the death of friendships, excommunication from church fellowships, alienation from family members, loss of fortune and maybe even relinquishing fame. Solitude may become our constant companion for many days, and mental and emotional anguish may become all too familiar bedfellows. But the price we pay for independence, authenticity and meaning are minuscule when compared with its rewards. But let's take it one step further  - to understanding the truth that no matter how the moments may feel, the journey itself is rewarding, long before we gain the independence, authenticity and meaning for which we search.

So while we search, while we discover who we truly are, with every eye-opening word we read, every revealing conversation, every heart-rending confession, let's savour the moments. Let's learn to enjoy calling a spade a spade. As we experience the fires of controversy, let's seek to emerge unscathed, unrelenting, undeterred by criticism....Let's mark the milestones of self-discovery with flags signifying our advancement to another level of growth..Let's relish who we are becoming on the way to who we truly are.

Being Positively In the Moment

I am smiling at close of day, whereas I was despondent at its beginning. Truly, when we understand the importance of our thoughts in determining the quality of our day (and consequently the trajectory of your life), we make a colossal effort to ensure positive, wholesome, uplifting thoughts.

Today I was determined to ensure that I did not become overwhelmed by my circumstances. I was resolute in treating situation/circumstance as opportunities for growth. I determined that I would be fully present in my day, fully aware of what was going on around as well as within me. I made my mind up to embrace it, to allow my thoughts to happen, to face my fears, confront my ghosts and deal with them head on...acknowledging their reality...yet accepting that I can exist in but one moment at a time and therefore there was no need to control anything but that one moment. I was determined to think my way through my challenges...

So at end of day, I am grateful because ....I was present, I was aware, I was focused, I was hopeful, I was friendly, I was frank, I was open, and most importantly....I was deliberate. And so, right now I am reaping the fruits of intentional gratitude, intentional positive thinking, intentional awareness. Without a doubt at close of day, the lessons have been many and tremendous. I've learnt that instead of wishing my circumstances away, there is much greater value in embracing them, in giving thanks through each difficulty, in asking 'what can I glean, what lessons might I learn?' Indeed I have learnt that the gains from learning the art of being present while maintaining positive thoughts are tremendous...Indeed it is a major ticket to becoming stronger, wiser, better.

Yes, my day was difficult. The circumstances of my life converged and seemed at times to be in cruel collusion against me. But I pulled on the age-old philosophy of my mentor...."Don't just get through the day, get from the day!" And how better to get from the day than through deliberate presence and intentional positive thinking? For me it meant the difference between smiling or complaining at end of day, but more importantly, it will tell for how my life ends up a few years from today. Life accumulates....moment by moment.

Living from the inside out

What do you do when your heart tells you to push through...when your gut says, 'carry on' but all around you are mountains and challenges, hurdles and obstacles? And especially at a time in your life when resources are non-existent and inspiration is low? When the voices in your head tell you you haven't got what it takes and the results you produce seem to nod in acquiescence? And what if that which you thought was your passion pales in comparison to the abilities, skills and results of others in your field?

I guess there's always the option of yielding to the voices, continuing to compare yourself to others, becoming overwhelmed by the things life throws at you....or you could allow yourself to be led by your passion, to filter your life experiences through the funnel of 'meaning', and 'passion' and 'purpose'.....to resolve to give yourself only to that which has meaning to you. When we are completely certain as to what bears meaning and what holds value for us, then we will have little doubt as to the things we should actively pursue, the people we should spend time with, the causes that are worth the fight, for whom we should sacrifice, who or what is worth our pain.

Most of us have had the experience of working at a job that meant absolutely nothing more than providing the means of putting food on the table, and all of us have looked back and wished we had spent more time with the significant people in our lives. What I have found for sure is that the people who have found their calling, people who find the will to push through, who are able to answer the call to 'carry-on' are the people who have learnt to be led from the inside out.....who listen to their gut, who are not distracted by the call of comparison, but who, instead, have perfected the art of being in tune with their deeper purpose and who are intentional about responding to those dictates.

So go ahead..do what has meaning for you....despite the results. Spend time with the people who mean the world to you, perfect your passions, deepen your resolve to pursue your purpose. Abundant living happens from the inside out....its never about what is acceptable to friends or what 'improves' your status in life. Rather, it's about what ends the dissonance and the noise...what increases meaning and purpose, what brings peace...its about the difference you make everyday you wake up...living from the inside out!