"Be Somebody?"

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to 'be somebody.' The only problem was I didn't know that's what I wanted. I wasn't sure what that looked like, who or what exactly that 'somebody' was. I just knew there was this constant urgency, this need to do more than merely exist. But fear crippled me....and feelings of inadequacy slowly destroyed any vestige of pride and self-esteem that should have held sway in my life. I had every reason to be bold and confident. I was an intelligent, well respected woman with formidable talents and skills. I was ambitious and bright. I had everything going for me. If only I knew it.

Instead of the success and significance I craved, frustrations and anger manifested themselves. As I watched others around me succeed (or so it appeared) I grew increasingly discontent and hopeless. Anger was my constant companion. My attitude took a beating as did my career. People knew I had way-above-average potential but they also knew I had 'anger-issues', strong reserves of aggression, waiting to pounce at the next innocent 'contender.' Still, my desire to 'be somebody' persisted...persists. It's a yearning I have long lost control of. It consumes me. But I have grown wiser.

The years have taught me that more important than this all-consuming desire to 'be somebody' is the need to make my life matter. There's a difference. The need to make my life matter takes me outside the realm of my own dreams of self-importance and transports me to a place of service, of making a difference and creating change that makes an impact in somebody else's world.  It's about belonging to something that will continue way after I am gone...something bigger than I am; something that renders me significant in the lives of others.

And who knows, maybe someday this path will take me to the place that makes me into that 'somebody' I have longed to be. But it's not that important anymore. Oh, make no mistake about it...I am still consumed with the need to impact my world. I am still acutely aware that, like the butterfly cocooned in the caterpillar's chrysalis, I was born for something more than this.But now this yearning looks and feels different. I am still propelled by it. It still consumes me but today I look for opportunities to enlighten, empower and equip the people around me who need that kind of support. I plant a seed in the life of another person everyday. And I am grateful for the opportunity to impact my world...in big ways and small ways....and I'm not so angry anymore!

One Bite at a Time

There are times when everything around in the realm of your mind converges upon you to tell you "You can't." These are the times when doubt is your closest companion and fear weaves a debilitating web across your psyche; the times when the reality of your circumstances stamp "Impossible" in your pathway; when you lose momentum; when instead of encouraging you, friends become your biggest detractors; when cute memes and motivational quotes feel like ashes on your tongue. And worse than all that, often these are the times everything within you answers "I believe you!" "I just don't have what it takes." I know... I've been there. I feel like I am there now.

So I am not too sure I am qualified to tell you to get up and go. The best I can do is confess that this effort at writing, this effort to push through is my own 'pick-me-upper".....cause I know I don't want to the the one later on to wonder what might have been had I pushed through... and so I carry on...and I learn to savor the journey. I've learned that every day has its ups and downs and I become intentional about ensuring that at the end of each of those days I would have scored more on the up-side than I did on the down-side. I press on. I plant some seeds into each day, just because I have learnt that the quality of our harvest is directly related to how intentional we are about our planting. .  

Yes, I am learning to become more intentional about planting than I am about reaping. The truth is, most of us get caught up on the reaping side of things. We look for results; we become discouraged if we don't achieve the goals we set ourselves. In fact, precious little of us set ourselves any goals. Nonetheless we become obsessed with the end game. Very recently I read a quote from F. M. Alexander...."People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their future." Excellent lesson to learn. Our habits (our intentional efforts) create our results. The seeds we plant and nurture (good or bad) make us into who we are.

So quit listening to the voices in your head that tell you there's no point in carrying on. Just plant some seeds today. Write one paragraph today. Pour into one person's life today. Change one thing that you don't like about your attitude today; tell one person you love them today...and for each today that you meet, make it matter. Forget the big picture for a while. Take your mind off the things that aren't and focus on what is. Eat your elephant one bite at a time. Make your difference one life, one moment at a time. Don't give in now....there's just too much at stake. Stay blessed!