"Be Somebody?"

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to 'be somebody.' The only problem was I didn't know that's what I wanted. I wasn't sure what that looked like, who or what exactly that 'somebody' was. I just knew there was this constant urgency, this need to do more than merely exist. But fear crippled me....and feelings of inadequacy slowly destroyed any vestige of pride and self-esteem that should have held sway in my life. I had every reason to be bold and confident. I was an intelligent, well respected woman with formidable talents and skills. I was ambitious and bright. I had everything going for me. If only I knew it.

Instead of the success and significance I craved, frustrations and anger manifested themselves. As I watched others around me succeed (or so it appeared) I grew increasingly discontent and hopeless. Anger was my constant companion. My attitude took a beating as did my career. People knew I had way-above-average potential but they also knew I had 'anger-issues', strong reserves of aggression, waiting to pounce at the next innocent 'contender.' Still, my desire to 'be somebody' persisted...persists. It's a yearning I have long lost control of. It consumes me. But I have grown wiser.

The years have taught me that more important than this all-consuming desire to 'be somebody' is the need to make my life matter. There's a difference. The need to make my life matter takes me outside the realm of my own dreams of self-importance and transports me to a place of service, of making a difference and creating change that makes an impact in somebody else's world.  It's about belonging to something that will continue way after I am gone...something bigger than I am; something that renders me significant in the lives of others.

And who knows, maybe someday this path will take me to the place that makes me into that 'somebody' I have longed to be. But it's not that important anymore. Oh, make no mistake about it...I am still consumed with the need to impact my world. I am still acutely aware that, like the butterfly cocooned in the caterpillar's chrysalis, I was born for something more than this.But now this yearning looks and feels different. I am still propelled by it. It still consumes me but today I look for opportunities to enlighten, empower and equip the people around me who need that kind of support. I plant a seed in the life of another person everyday. And I am grateful for the opportunity to impact my world...in big ways and small ways....and I'm not so angry anymore!