Let Life In

There are times when you read or hear something and it resonates with you. And if you stop to consider at the reason, more often than not you will find that it resonates either because it marks your experience or that it represents a deep (and often previously unrecognized) longing. That's how I felt when I first read Jim Rohn's words..."The walls we build around ourselves to keep sadness out, also keep out the joy." For the first time I admitted to myself that I have spent the last several years carefully erecting a giant stone monument around myself. Hurt and resentment had marked my experience and I had 'successfully' closed myself in. 

Whether consciously or subconsciously I had built a fortress of control, independence, individuality...all bolstered by a modest level of achievement of which I was understandably proud - after all, they were but just rewards for my struggles. But if I'm to be true to myself achievement came at great cost, not mere financial cost, but far more importantly, at great emotional cost. I had come to the place where the major source of happiness was achievement - and today I still have the residual effect. But I am not alone, and I have found that people put walls around themselves for various reasons....to keep out the hurt and pain of the past, to protect a heart previously broken, to prevent the recurrence of poor life choices....our walls are shields to protect our vulnerable hearts - a safe place to hide, a closet where we can hunker down and close the door on our skeletons.

But lately I have been giving more attention and credence to some even more potent words of Jim's....."Let life in. Let it touch you. Let sad things make you sad, and happy things make you happy. Our emotions need to be as educated as our intellect." Wow! That's profound. What an invitation to vulnerability! What if I became more open to deconstructing those walls? What if I were more willing to take a chance on life, a chance on deep and heart-moving friendships? What if I were willing to risk loss and hurt......and just feel life, like a soft wind, taking it all in? Or to be present in every turbulent moment, to experience the highs and lows of human emotion...to be ridiculed yet comfortable, to be judged and not feel a need to be vindicated...to feel fear yet square my shoulders and go forward anyway.....What if I could exit my doors without the tortoise-shell of my over-protected emotions? What if I did not feel a need to pull my little tortoise head in at every sound of threat to my safe place of control and independence?

 No....there's no adrenalin rush at the thought of all this.....instead deep curiosity, steeped in fear. But also an admission that so much has been lost behind those walls over the years. A quiet mental recording of the missed advantage of vulnerability....of allowing my emotions to be fully educated by the lessons of life. And yes, a growing willingness to let life in...to be willing to step into the arena of life without the facade of impenetrability...to let go of the ego and bare my soul to those worthy of the experience....to live in the moment...if just for a moment...to let life in!