Savor the Things that Are

"Live your life each day

 as you would climb a mountain.

An occasional glance towards the summit

 keeps the goal in mind,

But many beautiful scenes are to be observed

 from each new vantage point."

                                [Harold B. Melchart]

Sometimes we allow ourselves to become so weighed down with the things that 'are not' that we very often lose sight of the things that 'are.' We conjure up images of wellness or happiness and refuse to allow that any other interpretation, anything other than our 'perfect' picture is acceptable. We know exactly the paths our lives should take, and what our final destination should look like. And what do these notions translate to in everyday life? Us being thrown into a tizzy when our children exhibit less than the standards of behaviour we expect of them; getting angry because our husbands don't ever do the dishes while forgetting he's numbered among the ones that faithfully provide for his household; our complaining about his bulging stomach and neglecting to be thankful for his faithful heart.

Oh how easy it is to lose sight of that which is right and good and perfect in our lives because we are in pursuit of some goal that our egos created. Of course, it's important to set and achieve goals. I live by them. But how far more important it is for us to learn to stop along the path and celebrate what is...not allowing ourselves to become so enamored by what is possible that we neglect to see, to enjoy, to simply savor the blessings of the things that are......now, this moment, today. The truth is, our desire for a 'better state' can become so all-consuming that it blinds us to the current good. It creates in us a constant feeling of lack, of incompleteness, of inadequacy... 

How I wish I could properly articulate, underscore or explain the dangers of espousing feelings of lack. Yes, I know it seems a crazy proposition in light of all the things you dream of, and worse…all the things you need. To be sure, I’m not suggesting that we hide from our realities. A keen awareness of those realities will be instrumental in helping us get to the place we want to be. Still, we must get to the place where we understand the absolute necessity of learning to be happy in our discontentment….of knowing that we ARE enough, that what we HAVE is enough…right now, right in this moment…learning to be complete here, while we work on getting there.

And that learning to feel complete, to be happily discontented is about knowing and appreciating the realities of abundance and Providence; about embracing gratitude and beauty, and letting go of the way we think it should be. It comes down to not allowing our longing for something better to crowd out today’s beauty…to be able to relish the perfection of this moment….to enjoy the crystal glory of rain-drops on a petal, the pitter-patter of little feet in our homes, the frolic of our children’s play….the magic of a kiss…..There is beauty in every circumstance. There are lessons in every experience. On your climb to the summit, when your steps seem to go off course, stay a while and whisper….’all is as it should it’….be grateful for what is….. 

"Sweet are the Uses of Adversity"

Today as I am surrounded by a deep sense of 'aloneness', in this moment of solemn contemplations, when I’m forced to question friendships, and when my mustard seed-sized faith gets lost in the dust of my travails, I reach deep down into the recesses of my being and I emerge thankful…ever so thankful that for every time that life has forced me into this place, I have come up better, stronger, wiser.  

Duke Senior (a seventeenth century Shakespearean character from the play “As you like it”) deposed of his kingdom, stripped not only of his title, but more so his dignity…ashamed and nearly bereft of companionship in the Forest of Arden, whispered these words to his audience of nature…. “Sweet are the uses of adversity.”  In typical Shakespearean wisdom the former duke launches into the lessons that only stillness and solitude can teach.…in the stillness of the moment he concludes that nature is more eloquent than speeches, brooks teach far more than books and stones hit deeper than sermons. In the serenity he listens…and he hears, maybe for the first time the vibe of his own heart…he listens and he hears, in those adverse circumstances, the voice of God…and finally he comes  face to face with the life’s most substantive matters.

Now without a doubt, the conclusion drawn by Duke Senior is one we all come to at some point in our experience. As we mature and look back at our ‘valley of despondency’ experiences, we very often find ourselves thinking “I wouldn’t be where I am today, had I not gone through that.” So yes, inevitably we get wiser after we’ve been through it. But what struck me as instructive about Shakespeare’s unlikely hero is the fact that his utterance is made at what was probably the lowest point in his life…in the moment!  For someone so accustomed to pomp and ceremony, so used to the hum of activity, likely having heard declarations of life-long friendships and loyalty…now deposed, defamed and almost friendless, his ability to draw the lessons in the moment is something not to be overlooked – a lesson we all would do well to learn. 

How many of us have learned to embrace the value of adversity while the storms are howling? Too often we are too busy being unhappy, too wrapped up in self-pity, too unwilling to forgive, too reluctant to let go, to ever discover the sweet uses of adversity. We envelope ourselves in worry and fear, we make despair our bedfellow when all the time we are called to be still…to wait, to extend faith beyond the realm of what is humanly possible, to study in quietude the benefits of our current experience.  So today as I reach into the recesses of my being, and as I emerge my mind is inundated with the reminder that ‘sweet are the uses of adversity’…and in typical intentional fashion, I pull out my journal, and I question “what is good about this my time of aloneness and despair?”…and I write… and a deep sense of peace envelopes me ...…..and once again my heart is content.

What do you add to the Room?

I recently heard some-one ask the very poignant question, 'what do you add to the room? That is, 'what value do you bring? It's a question we hear all the time in different ways: "What do you bring to to the table?" True, it's an old question... one that we are probably more prepared to answer in a career kind of environment. The fact is, we are mostly pretty clear on what we can add in a work-place. We rehearse it for every job interview...now whether we are actually able to add the value we claim we can....that's another story altogether.But have you given thought to the value you add outside of the work-world?

The point is we need to be crystal clear about what we bring to the various areas/elements of our lives. What do I bring to my relationships? How do I enhance my partner? How do I enrich my children's lives? What lessons do I impart? What character traits am I reinforcing or influencing? What is my distinctive contribution to their sense of worth, their sense of usefulness and effectiveness? And if you are not big on relationships....( though I'm not sure why you wouldn't be), you would do well to answer your employer's implicit questions about your value proposition. In the same way that the world around us changes, employers' needs frequently change and they want to be assured of the dynamism of employees' value proposition. How might you be able to clearly answer these questions if you are not at least aware of them yourself? What do I know? What do I impart? What is my competitive advantage? Are you able to answer these questions right here, right now?


The truth is these are not questions that we answer once and for all. Remaining relevant and contributing in meaningfully to the lives of others, to strong causes requires constant recalibration, renewal of our offerings. In Jamaican parlance 'yuh haffi know how fi wheel an' come again." That's a fact. But long before we get there, and with every life change or new involvement, we have to be fully aware, fully in the know as to what we have to offer. We have to know ourselves so well as to understand our worth in any given situation. We need to be sure, confident of the difference we can make and further to be able to convincingly articulate that value to whomever the potential buyer is.

But it takes deliberate effort, intentionality. Nope, it's not gonna happen by osmosis. It may mean making a list of all our 'customers', stakeholders', or other interest groups and outlining all  the qualities we have that can potentially enhance these relationships/interactions. And even before we get there, we may have to work to acquire these skills, behaviours, competencies. And more than anything, we need to understand the importance of adding value. It must strike a chord in our being. 

And when you are there....when you get to the place where you understand your value at any given moment, in any given situation.....savour it. Drink it in. Let it touch you in ways as to build your confidence, win you worthwhile associates, take you out of oblivion and prepare you to pour that value out on the world....There's nothing quite like it!

It's worth doing badly

Some years ago I heard some-one say "Anything worth doing, is worth doing badly." And I smile from way down deep inside came over me. Whatever happened to the conventional wisdom that anything worth doing is worth doing well? Finally the pathway to excellence was being widened to include those persons wise enough and willing enough to fail their way to success. But if truth be told, we have all been painstakingly aware of the many scientists and entrepreneurs who had been convicted enough of the validity of their ideas that they were willing to face failures of massive consequences. But failures such as these were never  glamourized. Failure, in fact, was never seen as an option. Fast forward a number of years and failure is hailed as the flip-side to success.....two sides of the same coin, they say - failure, a necessary step in the process.

So often we are sold stories of celebrities, politicians, high-profile media personalities and others in the public domain who are said to be born with exceptional talent, have above-average intelligence or are in some other way in possession of traits that pre-dispose them to succeed. We are hardly ever told stories of minions who fight their way to success, or the intellectually challenged who eventually achieve academic excellence. How often do we hear of the average man with a passion for something for which he is not particularly talented? How many would be intrigued by stories of the average man constrained by a dream he feels compelled to bring to the light? Who wants to hear the stories of the untalented investing years of his time in a pursuit nobody thinks he's suited for? Not many.....maybe not any. Is it any wonder we never hear those stories?

The fact is that many of today's renowned were not born with an inclination towards their craft, skill or passion. They simply responded to what they felt was a calling. To them it mattered not so much that they did it poorly year after year. It mattered far more simply that they did it. Being great at the start was not the primary concern. Becoming great along the way was a far more appealing prospect. And the ones who wanted it badly enough are the ones who are today hailed as immensely talented. You may not be able to do it well today but its worth continuing the fight. You may long for some cheer-leaders along the way and not find any, but keep at it. If it's important to you keep doing it badly til it's perfected. Champions are not made in the ring!

It gets better with time...If you let it

I'm not sure I'd be as bold as to say that time heals all wounds but I know I can speak with authority when I say everything gets better with time...if we allow it to. The truth is that adversities - big and small - are the lot of every human being. They are not hand-picked for the less fortunate, the uneducated, minorities or  you...... And trust me, nobody's out to get you. Your troubles are no more horrendous than your neighbours', your misfortunes no less tragic. It's called life. It wasn't meant to be easy. It's important that we keep reminding ourselves of this fact; important that we fight the urge to succumb to the victim syndrome; important that we understand that life's but a cyclical process. that whatever happens to us happens to everybody, and that this too shall pass.

Without a doubt, what makes adversity so hard to accept, and to deal with, is the fact that it always seems to hit us on the blind-side.....right out of the blue, when you least expect it. Relationship problems, life-changing health issues, accidents, financial reverses, job-loss  - very real issues that have the ability to leave you reeling. Right in that moment, in the poignant gloom of the present, the future has no power to inspire or attract. Pretty soon your only meaningful (though painful) occupation is seeking answers to the question 'Why?' or worse yet, 'Why me?'

The truth is that most of us have, at one time or another, have found ourselves in that uncanny position asking those same questions. The wiser among us eventually get to the place where they realize that asking 'Why not me?' yields better results. They come to the place where they affirm that bad things happen to good, and bad, people. They make the discovery that life has more to do with how we respond to adversity than the adversity itself. They recognize that though they can't control the winds or the seas that toss them about, they can adjust the sails of their vessels. They accept the challenges as teachers, the pain as a purifier....and as difficult as it may be, they open themselves for the hope of the future.

And it gets better with time.....well, that's if you ever get to the place where you allow it to. Yes......if you allow it to make you better and not bitter; if you release the hurt enough to learn to dance in the rain, to smile through the storm; to overcome your adversity in such a way as to inspire others so affected to endure and overcome like you did. When all is said and done, it's your life and though the difficulties you face are often not of your making, it's still your lot. Still your life - and it's up to you to decide whether it gets better with time.

Of Passion and Healing....

Writing is therapy. For me it is. It is my space far from the madding crowd. It is my time to lose myself, and find myself. It is my place of truth, of revelations and self-discovery....and yet a place of strange contradictions - an arena of open contention between peace and discontentment, hope and disillusionment. Still it's here that I find my truth. It is here that I fall in love with me all over again; where I unearth the beauty that is hidden beneath the mundane; where the truths of what lies within me, become far weightier matters than the facts of what lies around me.

Mental clutter can be overwhelming. Life happens and as we process the issues that affect our lives we often tend to push stuff under the mental carpet. We shelve issues we would rather not confront and pretty soon our mental closets become cluttered with the secrets and skeletons we have kept from view. Yeah, it used to get like that for me sometimes. Often I found myself alone in my dilemma, trying to fight my ghosts. Guilt and shame make poor bed-fellows I've found, so getting into bed with them is not my idea of a fun or restful way to spend the night. I find I much prefer to face my ghosts by putting pen to paper. And there I find my escape from the narrowly-targeted arrows of life's realities. It is then that I pour out...out of my soul's extremities into the empty yet animate pages that lay awaiting.. I solve and I absolve.....and then it all makes sense. By becoming vulnerable in my own secret chamber, under the scrutiny of my own conscience  I get in touch with my truth; I find strength and character; I unearth my motives and find perspective....and like the proverbial phoenix from the ashes I rise again to meet another day's challenge.

But more important than the value it brings to me, I write because of the difference I know it can make in the lives of others. I understand the power of words. I understand the appeal they can have. I know of their power to connect, resonate and reverberate. Words are life-giving. And it's not that I have mastered the art of making words dance, or invoking the emotive to play upon your psyche, its simply that I hope that with each entry I make in this not-so-private diary, somebody's spirit is lifted; that somebody who is overwhelmed with the feeling of failure or mediocrity might be encouraged to get back up again. I'm always trusting that someone might be so aroused as to find that which for you is therapeutic, and that you'll keep at it till you find healing.

I do not know what it is that you easily lose yourself in, what it is that makes time pass unnoticed for you, but I know that whatever it is, that is your therapy. It is your place of healing and growth . It is your place of personal impact. The truth is, it may not be earth-shattering, it may not bring you loads of money but it is what is easiest on your heart, it is what speaks to you, what makes waking up each morning worth the while. As you indulge, as you bask in your truth, and as your personal journey to self-discovery becomes more therapeutic you will find an urge to share your passion and your experiences..and an even stronger obligation to respond to that urge The ball is now in your court..... let the healing begin. .

Trust the Process

Things don't always have to go the way we expect, the way we planned, dreamed or wanted them to go for them to be going right. Our desires don't have to take a straight path to nascency, nor our dreams to actuality. In fact, more often than not the trek will take us along paths we never in our wildest dreams imagined. No doubt some of these paths will be exhilarating, wild and exciting...but the reality is that some will be cold, harsh and lonely, taking twists and turns into valleys of disappointment, despair and confusion  And if you are a control freak, like many of us are, no doubt this will lead to dissonance and consternation if you let it.

The truth is, holding on to ideas and fancy imaginings of how our lives should play out is a formula for disaster. It guarantees us experiencing a sense of hopelessness and loss. Of course, it is a foolish man (or woman) who doesn't have a plan for his life, who gets up from day to day and finds himself at the mercy of every whim and fancy, whose only plan is the plan somebody else has for him. But even with the best blue-prints (and maybe especially so) we must be willing to allow for the fact that our plans may have not been ideal, that we may have misinterpreted the lyrics of our own heart-song, that there may be a myriad of ways to experience our passions. We must come to the place where we are willing to surrender the means in order to get to the end.

And so, we must learn to let go. Let life happen.. Trust the process. Trusting that all things are as they should be is not always easy. Maybe major illness was never a part of the picture you painted, financial reverses certainly didn't enter your dream at any time. Your desire was never marred by the unfaithfulness of those you trusted most. You knew it was not going to be easy, but you never would have thought it could  get as complicated and off-kilter as it now is. And you look around you and everybody else seems to be having a whale of a time on their own life paths. Maybe it's time to remove those rose-coloured glasses; maybe it's time to realize that this is your reality, this is your journey. We all have different paths to take on the way to achieving our heart's desire.Believe that you are enough. Believe that the path that has been mapped for you, the  is the best path to your personal growth. Yes, the hills may be hard to climb, your mental and emotional feet may be sore from the scorching heat of the roads you take, you may feel alone, but it is your path. Own it.. All things are as they should be.  Trust the process